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What I know to be true is that life sucks.
I don’t know any other way to describe it.
I thought I finally had my wish come true.
But then happiness comes with a great cost.
Not many people know what life is about. Nor what the key to life is.
I wish I knew.
Maybe it would help ease the pain growing inside.
More likely it would make it worse.
I have tried figuring out what pure bliss and happiness is like, but every time I thought I finally found it, it got savagely ripped from my arms.
From my heart. From my world.
I have had a lot of mistakes happen and most of them I regret but I know deep down just because you regret making that choice doesn’t mean you have fixed your world. Nobody has control over what happens. Nobody.
The choice isn’t ours to make. It’s ours to follow.
I think that what humans call life is really hell in it’s self.
We all have a war. Every minute, second, day of our lives.
A war of “am I happy?” some people exist to make everything seem okay.
Maybe they helps us to realize our lives are on a path of which we have no control over.
But really they make us open our eyes to what is never going to happen.
Some people look for that one way out.
When you think suicide you think “emo, just trying to get attention, or drugs.”
I think “maybe what they were looking for finally came out of hiding”
Meaning some people cut.
Because it gives them this sense of release. It gives them sensations of something they have no control over. so they don’t feel they wave of emotions crashing down on them again and again.
Because below all that loner crap is a little boy or girl just begging for somebody to tell them that everything is gonna be okay and to hold them as tight as possible even if the world will end. At least they would know that somebody cared.
That maybe just maybe death isn’t really peaceful.
We as a united nation have to stand together or else everything that our forefathers worked so hard to build will just come crumbling down like the walls we build and let fall when we let somebody in.
Inside the turmoil of our lives. We all wear a mask. A mask to cover up who we really are underneath. But the mask is breakable.
Maybe that’s why we let somebody get past our wall, because when everything comes crashing down we just want somebody to know whats really going on inside.
Maybe because when the walls crumbling down to let then know what they are getting when they fall in love with you.
Some people turn to music because its louder than the voices in our head.
It makes the demanding and awful truths go away……for a while.
Some of us write poetry. To help understand whats really going on inside.
So maybe we might be able to control the monster of emotions.
But above all we all want someway to get out of our life of the scary things happening behind our walls.
Out of the things that hurt us. when we cry we try to ease the empty ache that’s growing inside. Some of us have so many problems that we try to put them off on other people. Maybe so they don’t have to keep explaining whats going on inside.
But I think its because we are too weak by ourselves so we look for somebody strong enogh to hold the world on our shoulders with us.
Is that why some of us spend our whole lives looking for the ONE our soulmate?
But is god really that generous?
To give us life and love without a price to be payed?
A price to high for any of us to pay, is that why we die?
Only the people who have finally found what life really means survives the hell of life.
I think that since god gave us life he automatically gets the right to give us pain.
That’s why some of us cut, or pull the trigger. So we could maybe end the awful pain.
To end what is never our story to begin with.
To end what will never be written again.
OUR END……………is only the beginning.
