single wife| myg

thirty one

"how's it going in here?"

yoongi peaked his head into the room, his smile was the first thing that caught my eye; it made me feel worse.

as he stepped in he surveyed the room, slowly his eyes fell on me and I could tell that he was waiting for some sort of reaction.

but I sat at the couch, and looked to him, giving a forced tug on my lips.

"hey..what's wrong?"

he stared at me from across the room.I had been trying to play along with the game he had given me, but..it wasn't going well.

opening my mouth but instead swallow my words. but after a space of silence, i knew he was watching me more intently.

a second later his footsteps become louder as he advances towards me, not a moment sooner was I looking into his eyes.

"miso...what's going on?"

he asked softer this time.

"my date with myself isn't going well, i'm just annoyed."

"and is that all?"
he tilts his head.

"I..I don't know. it's just..i'm realizing that nothing is getting better."

rubbing my forehead, I couldn't help but pout, turning away in a slight huff, trying to calm my own frustrations .

"this trip was supposed to help me realize everything. my life is supposed to come together, that I'd realize that i'm madly in love with you and find out what I want to do with my life.."

he was about to speak but suddenly his voice hitches in his throat at my words, whether because of the shock of me wanting to be in love with him or something else I wouldn't know.

"yoongi I want to fall in love with you so bad it hurts me. I want to love myself so much it kills me. but i'm not. I look at you and i'm not in love...I look at myself and i'm not in love. i haven't even been inspired by our traveling. I've been feeling nothing."

it's hard. to tell the person you've been with for months that you don't love them. that you smile at them but feel nothing for them. but I needed to own up to it.

nibbling his lip a moment he realigning his gaze with mine.

"miso how old are you?"

"...twenty one."

"do you know what other twenty one year olds are doing right now? following their dreams, taking risks, falling in love and seeing the world..do you want to know why you've been having such a hard time? "

his hands graced themselves to either side of my face. brushing my cheeks with his thumbs, I tried to maintain eye contact as he watched me.

"you're on a leash."

I felt like his words were fogged, I couldn't..i couldn't grasp what he was saying.

"there's a specific order, a specific way things have to be done in korea and if it's not done that way then you instantly become a disappointment."

he kept swallowing, taking his time to consider as he spoke to me.
"adults.."

he sticks his tongue out slightly, trying to find his words.