they paint us with salvation.

hello darkness, my old friend.

It was like walking the very thin and jagged line, marching down the long metallic corridor towards the airlock, like being in a church before God just before confession with a secret too fucked up to whisper let alone confess and all the citizens of the Ark and sinners alike watching, mouths taped shut unable to utter the truth of what was about to happen to the unlucky corridor walker. The walls echoed with the sound of footfalls and everything was silent besides her breathing, its rapid flow interrupted by the quick thudding build up of nervous energy created by her heart. There would be no one there at the end to bid her farewell, the only one she had left living on this floating mass in the middle of Earth's thermosphere would be forbidden from the short ceremony and she wouldn't want anyone to watch this, there was nothing more soul destroying than watching your loved one being sucked out of the airlock into the darkness of space, no matter how beautiful and enticing those stars are from the safety of your own bed.

It wasn't her fault, but it wasn't "her" fault either, it was love and it had been love, that painstakingly beautiful four lettered word, all along from as far back as she could remember. Even after her own family had died and she was all alone, she had never felt it. She'd felt loved and needed and everything else in between. And it was this way right up to the end. The authority that sandwiched her between strong arms didn't utter a sound, their faces grim and emotionless as her shoes squeaked on the floor. Her arms were tied behind her back at the wrist, the metal of the handcuffs dug into her skin reminding her of her last night spent in "her" arms, the silk that was tight against her hands as she gripped at her ties furiously engulfed in yet another mind blowing orgasm, shuddering she had collapsed against the bedspread exhausted, "her" hands wrapped around her torso easing her from her binds, encapsulating and pulling her close so that they would lie together, skin to skin under the iron sky ceiling with a skylight to the stars in the deep space above them.

And they had come, as fiercely as they had made love, all dignity left by the wayside and all screams and protests from either party purposefully ignored. On the Ark there were rules, rules that were made not to be broken. Regulations that if bent or avoided carried the most permanent sentence. To be an adult on the Ark held more responsibility than either of them had realized; to be involved in a relationship that was frowned upon held dire consequences. Her consequence was this; the long walk to the airlock on level 2, the curve of the Earth was just visible over the airlock doors. She felt her knees go weak, she wasn't ready for this. All this time she believed she would make it back to Earth one day, that being as skilled as she was would make a difference. That the fact that she had lived had made a difference. She wondered if she had made a difference to "her" life, wondered if there would be a stay of execution at the final hour, at the moment when the doors closed shut with a hiss and the fingers of whoever would perform the deed hovered above the big red button, slow and purposeful. That their eyes would meet just before the end and they would speak volumes for her. She felt the bile rise up in her throat and she gagged a bit as it hit the back of her tongue. It would be okay.. right?

Legs like jelly they rounded the corner to a crowd of officials, the chancellor, his second in command and... "her", distinctive from behind, she did not turn till the last second; hair billowing, "her" face said all it needed to, "she" had been crying, eyes were red and puffy, apologetic and fragile. Like they were both made of the same glass vase that was about to make contact with the ground and shatter into a million pieces. Her lips trembled and she struggled to hold back the tears as she was forcibly pushed forwards by her guards. She stood closer to the chancellor than she had ever been, feature by feature, face to face; a fate that had already been decided, he was the judge and the jury but today he was not the executioner. Admist her sentencing she heard key words; 'disgusting', 'adulterous', 'unnatural' they were thrown around loosely, like their LOVE meant nothing, like the feelings they were feeling were false and denied in every way because the Ark was a living, breathing creature of salvation. Same sex relations were not considered healthy, they did not support the ideals of the community and as such they were destroyed as soon as they were discovered. Jaha looked up in her direction, looked right through her. She was already disappearing. His words chilled her; "As a deterrent... to all upon the Ark and for future generations to come... your executioner..."

The silence screamed, it screamed and screamed and screamed until she thought she was deaf from shock. "Your executioner... will be the one you committed this unnatural act with..." He looked directly at her now, "May God have mercy on your soul.." "She" was the one who was screaming, "she" clawed at the hands that tried to hold her away from the handcuffed prisoner, "her" face taught with fear, anger and anguish inched in to the cracks where "her" soul seeped out in the form of tears. A flurrying scrabble with the guards and for a second "she" was free, hands were on her face now, smoothing away the terror, lips covering her own with one last stolen kiss before they were pried apart.

The wet that leaked from her eyes, as the handcuffs were removed and Abby's kind fingers nursed the bruises, was more than tears, for Raven it was a mixture of memories, of moments she had spent with Abby, their bodies entwined night after night, her kisses and Raven's feeling of belonging, of knowing she needed not question what Abby felt, that their feelings were the same, that they were in every way connected and every way separated by other people's lack of understanding. That this was it and those who had witnessed their last kiss has been judgmental without compassion, and she hurt for Abby, hurt for the aftermath of what she was now expected to do and where that might leave her in the coming days, weeks, months, years.

Raven begged Jaha to reconsider, to be able to say goodbye, that out of everything that had been enforced from the moment they were discovered, that she was surely allowed this one last grace. He said nothing, walked away, not even bothering to grace her with an answer but his hand signal to the officers who were in charge of making sure that it was Abby that made the final button push, spoke volumes. Abby grabbed her, the officers cautioned her, she froze, unable to speak the words that they both wanted to hear, unable to ensure Raven that it would all be alright in the end, that she would be okay and... "Let me come with you.." she whispered, "we can both go into that darkness together...", she paused but when she looked up again directly into Raven's eyes, Raven could see the seriousness in her statement, and it terrified her. "I can't do this without you, I can't push the button.. I won't.." followed swiftly by a fresh flood of tears.

"You don't have to Abby..." it was the first thought that had entered her might that was in some way rational, "You have Clarke.. you can't come with me.. but it's okay.. you're going to have to push that button... and I forgive you..." Raven leaned forwards, her chin grazed Abby's as she lightly placed a small kiss to her left cheek. "It's okay... I love you... I always have, I always will.." She broke eye contact and looked up to the guards, nodding slightly. That last contact of Abby's hand slipping from hers was by far the pinnacle of the moment that broke her. Raven took an exaggerated step backwards as the airlock doors closed in front of her, the space between her and Abby hurt, and like a silent movie she watched Abby's protests to hitting the button like a final indignation against the being painted with the salvation of all mankind.

When Abby met Raven's eye contact one last time, she would just make out the words "May we meet again", she blinked, a whole plethora of memories flooded her, Abby's smile was the final thought and then...

darkness.