tears

We all cry, its a natural function our body does. They can be sad tears, happy tears, or in my case numb tears. When i was at the age of 6 i was emotionally abused. Not only by my parents but everyone around me. I still am to this day but I've finally found someone i can actually have feelings for. I don't really understand these feelings. I wasn't even sure if they were feelings at first until i described it to one of my few friends and they said those were feelings. The person to make me feel these "feelings" is my boyfriend. I was in a constant state of numbness or depression. I would never cry when i was feeling depressed i would only cry when i felt numb. I still feel numb a lot but my boyfriend helps me through it some times. But I've been crying more and more often.     Now these are sad tears instead of my numb tears. I'm sad because i don't think my boyfriend actually likes me anymore. Everyone of his friends are saying that i shouldn't break up with him because i'd break his heart. All i can think about is what about me? Does my heart not matter? Does my happiness not matter?     Yeah I'm happy with him but I'm also unhappy with him. Some times i actually believe him when he says he doesn't love me or he hates me. His friends always ask me why i am having the thoughts and whats so bad that he's doing. I say he's not paying enough attention to me but only one person knows the truth. I am not happy with him anymore. Like when i'm with him my life is 10 times better but i'm still not happy. I rarely sleep at night over come with thoughts and feelings.

    Was i ever supposed to be completely happy? Is anyone Completely happy? Am i the only one who thinks this? If so why am i the one who always ends up with a broken heart and tears running down my face. No matter what situation i make i always end up having this constant pain in my heart. I don't know what to do anymore.