Useless

CHAPTER 5

The golden strands of grass brush over my hips, tickle the palms of my upturned outstretched hands. I thought it would be longer. I thought the grass would reach my shoulders here in the meadow.

I look across at my shoulders... They don't look like my shoulders but they feel like mine, move like mine, go by my command. They're much broader than I remember, my arms longer and thicker than I remember. Now that I think about it -now that I've stopped and taken the time to examine myself- I realise just how different I am. It's not the grass that's shorter than expectation but rather that I am taller, thicker... Older! No boy has ever been this big. At least none I've ever seen. "Hey stranger," my head flies up at the sound "fancy seeing you here." She's different too: her looks, her voice. Although she is no longer the small, innocent, baby faced 9 year old- she was still perfectly familiar. I can never forget -that breezy blonde hair, those deep sea blue eyes, her smooth fair skin- the image of Odette is etched into my mind, trapped with no escape. "I missed you," she reaches out to me and without thought my gesture matches hers, my arms closing in over her in a tight embrace "don't leave me." She says.
"Never." I reply.

"Useless?" The field begins to blur and a haze clouds my vision.
"Useless?" Darkness falls. Of course! It was a dream, I'd be idiotic to believe otherwise.
"Useless, are you awake?" I roll over to see Lou sitting wide eyed at the base of my bed.

"Am now," pushing myself up with a yawn, "what's up?" I stretch out and rub the morning into my eyes. In the dim early morning light, that slightly seeps through the cracks in the shutters, Lou looks beaten, "Where do boys go when they get older?"

I can't respond. 

"I'm not sure," in all honesty I don't know where we go or how we go, but I do know we... 'go' "but we're still so young, so don't worry about it."

He nods silently and instantly I know like me he too dreamt of growing up. "Well..." I attempt to change the topic, to help him forget "how about some breakfast, hey buddy?"

* * *

By late afternoon the summer sun is scorching. I've done the absolute minimum of daily chores, and already I'm aching all over. I'm sure I can catch up on the rest tomorrow or later tonight, when the temperature drops. It doesn't help that for the past 3 hours or so I've been slaving away in the garden.

Just as I rise from weeding the flower bed, I hear something along the fence line. The sound variations are consistent, growing louder and louder- clearer and clearer. I wrack my brain at the sound, out of pure curiosity. Bump, scrape, bump, scrape. The sound... It sounds like wood on wood, as if someone is dragging a stick over the thin planks in the fence. 'But, if it is growing louder and louder that must mean that the source is getting closer and closer!' I get back on the ground and act busy; it's most likely a girl.

The sound slows to a petty few thumps, then. Silence.

Cautiously, I lift my head- peeking through a gap in the fence where the other half of a wooden board once stood.

At that moment there is nothing to see, just the usual Malfaisant manor. I squint, straining to focus- to see... If anything is different; I'm sure the sound didn't just create itself. My gaze lowers, and I give up searching. Then -as if she had sensed I lowered my guard- she raises her voice, "hi."

Instantly, -without looking- I know it's Odette. She is the only girl who would actually bother to say 'hi'. The only one who would talk to me because she wants to, and not because she want me to do something for her.

The sound of her voice brings the blood to my cheeks, "Hello? Useless?"

I lift my head ever so slightly, and glance upwards.
"Hi, I said." She stands patiently- awaiting response -but I try to refrain myself, because I'd hate for this to end badly.
"You can talk to me you know," she's given up on the silence, "in fact it's quite expected of you to be a gentlemen and respond when a lady addresses you."
Her words have become slightly hostile but after a few more moments pass she has calmed again, "Why don't we try this again from the beginning?" She smiles a small and reserved but genuine smile, "Hi Useless."

Unwilling to get us both in trouble again I respond with nothing more than I brief, silent nod.
"Is that it?" She seems hurt, as if she takes my silence as a personal grudge against her. "If you don't want to talk to me I guess I'll leave," she turns slowly still talking "I just thought-"

"Wait!" I see her body jolt as she stops suddenly at the shock of my words. She turns back and steps closer.
"Yeah?"
I rise up and step in as well, but I can't look up at her. "I'm sorry I got you in trouble. I didn't.. I don't want want that to happen... Not again."

"My mummy isn't the boss of me!" She exclaimed, suddenly angry, and I step back with a start. "She acts like she controls the whole entire world but I think she's just a big meany!"
Odette folds her arms over her chest and scrunches her face. I chuckle awkwardly, silently. 'Mummy'? 'Meany'? Those aren't words she uses commonly and it's strange to see that even someone as intelligent and lady-like and proper as Odette uses basic wording when she feels upset. This is just one of the many times her emotions have changed drastically without warning. "It's not funny!"
Again, staring down at the floor, I think up ways I could comfort her. Not knowing what else to do I instinctively wish to touch her, to connect with her- I reach out through the gap and gently brush my fingers through her hair and move it out of her face.
"I know it's not." I reply, "I'm sorry for laughing."
Her blue watery eyes widen at my touch and I flinch realising what I've got myself into, "I-I- I'm sorry."
I pull my arm back toward me and get caught.
"Don't be," she smiles at me and her grip on my wrist loosens and slowly slips until we are palm to palm, "I like this."
I feel the red of blood gathering under the skin of my face like the courage that gathers in my voice box willing me to break the silence; my mind is screaming at me 'say something, Useless, anything'.
As the build up pushes my vocal chords Odette looks down at our entwined fingers her expression changing. Her face no longer reflects the happiness I feel but captures my previous fear, and in the time it takes to say her name she has separated herself from me.
A step further from me she pauses only briefly and flees back to the manor before I get to say anything more. My arm instinctively flies back to my body and my back presses against the wooden boards.
My heart pounding and breathing steadying I whisper to her knowing she won't hear, "Good bye."

With one last peek through the fence my longing to speak with Odette is completely satisfied, more than satisfied. Although I'm happy we finally spoke again I can't help but think of the fearful look in her eyes, was she too worried for her safety? Worried she'd cross her mother? Surely! Any reasonable being would fear Madame Malfaisant. There is something grossly morbid about her, almost like she'd gladly commit the foulest of crimes to get her point across.