i like you.

so sad.

i closed my eyes, but the thoughts continued flooding my head and kept piling and piling thought over thought. i wasn't okay and i didn't know how long i could hold in and contain myself, nothing was working anymore, i could no longer distract myself. i've been misunderstood my entire life and have been walking to a false image my entire life and i could do nothing to change it and show who i really am, everyone hates me. i'm a terrible person, no one understands me, i push away anyone who tries to out of fear of being a lie and being abandoned, when everything begins to seep through and begin to spill, i'd lash at everything around me, i'm terrible at taking care of myself due to self-hatred, i'm bipolar basically and when i'm in a moment i don't think or remember how my words affect the people i care about, i'm constantly comparing myself to others, i'm jealous and afraid of being replaced for something better, i'm screaming on the inside but on the outside i'm pretending to be okay, i'm pretending to be happy for the people i care about's sake, i care about everyone else and their well-being far more than myself, and i hate myself more than anything. to others i'm a slut and some great fuck to guys, i'm short and fat, i'm a joke to people, i'm an attention whore because i'm sad, i'm stupid, i'm a nobody, i'm laughed at because i'm different, i'm ugly so i'm piling on tons of makeup to be pretty, i'm ridiculed for everything i do, and i'm a target because i'm quiet and appear defenseless.

but sometimes thinking about him calms me down and makes me forget about everything. He goes by the name of Suga, not many people know his real name but his name is indeed Min Yoongi. i've been in love with him since freshman year when he transferred here. of course he didn't notice me though since i'm practically invisible to everyone and don't say a word to anyone, so i'm easily forgotten. i'm pretty sure if i died no one would notice nor care. i'd be kidding myself if i tried to fool myself that i had a chance with him. i was an utter sucker for his bad boy attitude, his vibrant hair colors, his expressive style and the way he held himself up, i loved how his expression changed when he was listening to music. he had a cold outer-appearance and didn't appear to care about anything but i see that deep down he gave a shit about things he was passionate about but had a different way of expressing it and i wanted to be his passion one day. he's well hated and known for having quite the mouth. he doesn't take anyone's shit and is rumored to be apart of some gang and comes to school every week with his face scraped up. he's feared and people view him as a terrible and violent person because one time the school's jocks thought it'd be funny to shove him around in front of the entire lunch room to show off his inferiority complex since he lacked height but the aftermath ended up with him beating up all 5+ of them by himself. i wouldn't doubt that he's into some bad shit but i think it's the fact that we're two completely different souls from everyone that drew me to him so much. but with bad boys like him, there's some ground rules.

rule 1: it takes A LOT for Min Yoongi to notice someone.

it was barely the beginning of my senior year at hell high. the halls of this place were suffocating and reeked of betrayal, malicious secrets and vile words. the walls were thick and closing in on me that it was difficult to breathe and hold myself together the longer i was forced to stay here. the classrooms were huge and college-like, echoes were inaudible and the silence was painfully depressing in the back of the room. claustrophobia was my worst enemy at the moment because some teachers' style of a friendly hello was lining all the students up and assigning us all seats. it didn't help being on the end near all the pretty whores of our school that slept their way to the top with all the jocks for a image, that were snickering at me and nicknaming me "Assa" because it's so funny even though my names pronounced 'aysa' but spelt "Asa", i was used to this all by now. Yoongi happened to be in the same class as me so he was distracting me the whole time, he was in a lot of my classes, i've never had him in much of my classes, i'd always see him walking the halls. he remained breathtaking, his hair was dyed bleach blond now and was tucked away in a black snapback, he wore a long lose fitted black and white BROOKLYN X NEWYORK shirt, he stood tall with his arms cross and his signature sneer plastered on his face.

"Asa" my name cutting through the air snatched my attention, i quickly craned my neck toward the teacher. "Your seat" she gave me a smile of pure annoyance and tapped her polished nail on the long wooden table indicating where my seat was. my breath nearly caught in my throat seeing that Yoongi was assigned right beside me. he was looking me up and down with a blank expression, he noticed me. i was barely even walking toward the end of the room where my seat was located, air was practically pushing me.

"Today miss Asa Moon" the female teacher rushed me and half the room filled with laughter and all the attention was directed towards me, but Yoongi wan't laughing. i speed walked the rest of the way and Yoongi's eyes followed my movements so i knew i wasn't imagining things. i became nervous and felt myself panicking and it was difficult pushing it aside, realizing how pathetic i must be to him. i mumbled a quiet apology to the teacher and seated myself next to him, placing my bag on the table, keeping my distance from him since these tables had us all so close together. i shuffled through my bag, fishing for my materials. i felt a crumbled piece of paper hit the back of my head, stilling my movements, i picked up the ball of paper that landed beside me and unrolled it. inside of it revealed an ugly cartoon drawn of myself labeled, 'Assa The Fat Ugly Dwarf' . i heard the group of girls seated behind me giggling wildly, i sighed sadly and folded up the wad of paper neatly, placing it underneath my notebook.

Scribbling notes in my notebook from the lecture my name cut the tension once again, "Asa what would the equation be?" i felt the walls closing in on me completely and the air choking me, my anxiety coming out of the dark as long moments passed. Everyone's eyes were glued to me, including Yoongi's which made me even more nervous, laughter was making the room roar and i felt my eyes beginning to widen and tears threatening to spill.

"Do you not know?" she sighed and cocked her dark eyebrows at me impatiently. the only thing i could respond with was shaking my head violently at her, hiding my face in my arms.

"Of course she doesn't, she's retarded!" someone in the back shouted, which caused the classroom to break into another fit of giggles , chanting 'stupid' repeatedly.

"See class this is why we listen" she remarked.

not being able to take a second more of this, i gathered my items, quickly stuffing them in my bag (due to my OCD about organization) and storming out of the room, unknowingly leaving the scrap of paper behind.

sort of change of pov--no ones point of view

spoiler-- unbeknownst to her the wad of paper got bumped over to him when she scrambled her materials all in her bag, he got a hold of it. unraveling the piece of paper his heart pooled below his feet for her, almost like he was experiencing the hurt feelings she felt. this wasn't him, he's never felt this towards anyone in awhile. he may have passed her a couple times in these damned schools hallways in the past but he's never acknowledged her or really looked at her. getting a good look at her, he couldn't take his eyes off her, she was so different from everyone and it made her beautiful to him. she was short, no taller than five feet tall but she wore shoes with a thick heel to make her taller but it didn't do much, you could conclude that she had a cute little body but she did her best to hide it out of insecurity, she had long brown hair with faded ombre dye (that remained from years ago he concluded from experience), that kissed her pretty features, big gray eyes that widened to express her emotions and held trillions of stories beyond them, she had a small but wide baby face with a pointy chin, full lips that made adored her perfect features, her style was darker and different but she dressed well (grunge maybe? he couldn't put his finger on it) it made her stand out, he liked it. he hated the thought of her hurting and vowed to himself to not ever let anything hurt her again. he was curious about all the little things about her, she was so fascinating to him and he was determined to know her.