Learn To: Exist

after zero

i.

*           *           *           *  

Edith opened her eyes. Somehow, a simple passing thought had jolted her out of her sleep.

“You know, I’m so bloody tired of seeing the same people, and doing the same thing, every goddamn day,” Edith Barker said with a grunt as she propped herself up on her elbows as she remained in her position of lying down on her little contraption. Her back was sore from lying on the row of plastic tables she had pushed together to serve as a makeshift bed. “I don’t understand how someone can spend their entire life living in a place like this.”

“Diths,’ James Bennett replied with a sigh, calling her by the nickname he made up for her. “You’re rambling again,”

It wasn’t the first time Edith had complained to James about living life with ridiculous routines. She could never explain the matter to, or even expect, someone like him to understand. But being best friends did have its perks and it doesn’t matter whether or not the mutual understanding was there; because the mutual annoyance would be, but James had always known better than to get annoyed by Edith.

“Look at this place,” she continued, her voice, as well as her frustration, rising higher as she ignored James’s sentence. “The teachers here expose us to numerous sources of liberal thinking; all of them trying their best to pry our hands off orthodox methods of thinking. And when we do try to be creative, they jump in and stop it all. They come up with–”

“This isn’t about the teachers, is it?” James interrupted quickly, although he already knew the answer. Edith gave him a quick look of mock surprise before she sighed and shook her head, to which James let out a tiny chuckle. “I’m guessing you’re riled up over the Literature essay we had to write for the test last week?”

“Hm,” hummed Edith, too tired to respond. “I’m just so fed up with never being able to do well, James. You know how hard I’ve studied for almost every test that we’ve ever had but look at my grades, they’re bloody atrocious!”

Edith got into a sitting position abruptly. Her hair – more vivid than the colour of fire – had escaped from its ponytail and was now cascading down her back in choppy waves. It was really messy, and it was against the school rules for girls to wear their hair in such a fashion, but Edith didn’t care because she simply liked it that way. She felt that it suited her and wasn’t ready to change it just for some silly rules.

“Well maybe you should have studied harder,” James replied calmly whilst skimming through the current poem he was reading. “I failed quite a bit too, you know.”

Edith huffed. She knew that everyone in sixth form had failed in one way or another. That year was by far the hardest year she has ever had to go through. With her A-Levels taking place the year after, Edith’s daily schedule was bombarded with endless revision. Day in, day out, she spent her time studying; and if, if she ever had any spare time to herself, one would easily find her curled up in a ball and on her bed, reading one of those dystopian themed novels.

It wasn’t as if Edith disliked reading or those books in particular, but as time passed, and as the periods of time she had to herself became shorter and fewer, the mere act of reading no longer brought on any pleasure or comfort for her anymore. Sighing, Edith shut her eyes.

“I know … but I’ve studied really hard, James.” She groaned, “It’s just…just so frustrating…”

James raised an eyebrow at his best friend. He was almost done with the fifth and final poem of his poetry book when Edith had started rambling on about something irrelevant. But now it was something different. Emotions were in play, and he knew better than to step over the line and into the zone of insensitivity; hell, he was tip-toeing on dangerous grounds already.