Unwanted Desire

I need to talk to you in person about something. Its a bit sad but not too sad, but yeah.

I sat there, reading over and over his words on my phone screen. What could he possibly want to tell me? I began to think up a storm of reasons why he couldn't just tell me what he wanted to over text... Maybe it was something personal to do with his family, or maybe he needed to see my facial reaction. Whatever it was, it kept me up for a while during the night, till I finally turned off my phone, chucked it on the floor beside my bed then rolled over to a comfy sleeping position.

The next day, at school, I was hoping to get through the day unnoticed.

All through the morning, I craned my neck high and low, just to make sure he wouldn't see me. Each turn I took, I made sure that I was well hidden.

But then he found me.

Chills slithered down my spine.

I was scared silly but also excited because I wanted to know what he'd say.

He didn't waste time to get his words out in the open.

"I'm so sorry but, we'd have to stop talking for a while."

I looked into his eyes, pleading with him to not go down the road I knew he would.

I tried to speak but my tongue was tied. It felt knotted in all different shapes and sizes and i coughed as my silence started to choke me. I knew exactly what I wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out. What was wrong with me?? I was wasting too much time, after a momentarily silence I managed to mouth the words why. Well at least, that's what I thought i'd done, because he spoke up, explaining why he'd end such a beautiful and short lived relationship. Explaining why he no longer needed my love.

"I need space for schoolwork" he began, "to concentrate on my exams."

He carried on explaining himself and I stood there nodding my head when it seemed appropriate. I didn't want to hear his lame excuse... I didn't want to acknowledge the fact that he was DUMPING ME!

The one guy that i'd spent 8 months, making my world was telling me that he no longer needed my love.

Unwanted.

Unwanted.

Unwanted.

Unwanted. That's how I felt. Walking away with an uneasy, fake smile on my face I decided I was in no position to let him go. Like Cheryl Cole said, we gotta fight, fight, fight, fight, fight for this love.And that was what I was set out to do. Fight for him back.

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What was I thinking? He is popular. I am not. He has a high reputation. I do not. He cracks jokes. I am The Joke that people looked at and laughed about. Girls lust over him. I don't even get a second look. People say he's funny, smart and cool. People say I'm weird, dopey and lame. Going out with him was the best thing that ever happened to me, now he was chucking me back to the dirt where I came from.

Bottling up all the pain that was inside of me was my worse move yet, because now I felt like exploding into a million and one pieces. Relationships are like glass-an advice for all you readers!- Once your heartbroken its extremely hard picking up the pieces without getting hurt again. Its like having scars and wounds all over your body that you can't simply treat, because they're invisible!!

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The days slowly flew by, and I started to realise that I was also slowly deteriorating. I hardly bothered to put on little brushes of makeup each day like I used to. My lips were so chapped it looked like an earthquake had erupted on both my upper and lower lip. My hair... My beautiful hair that i'd sat in a salon all day to get it done was now dull, dry, uncombed and lifeless like the rest of my body. To be perfectly honest, I couldn't take it anymore, as the hours dragged by all I could think about was the fact that he DUMPED me. The fact that he didn't want my love. But why was it so hard for me to acknowledge it?