I am tired of this place, I hope people change
I need time to replace what I gave away
And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small
Though I try to resist I still want it all
************************
Diary entry 10/16
Every day, I wake up to see Lukas lying next to me. Of course, he's been awake for quite some time already at that point- not doing anything at all, just laying there, sapphire eyes wide open. I roll over and brush his platinum blonde hair from his eyes, and he gives a deep sigh as he wraps his arms around me. He smells like laundry detergent and general "cleanliness", and there's is not a smell on this Earth I love more.
He usually says something to the effect of, "You need to stop worrying about me, Arthur," to which I reply, "I can't help it, love. I'm concerned about you getting enough sleep. Are you having nightmares again?"
He then turns over and grunts, "I'm not a child. I don't have nightmares." His posture has gone rigid by that point, each muscle in his back tense and well-defined under his shirt.
"Any distressing dreams then, Lukas?"
"No." I know he's lying, but I let it go, just like I do every morning. It's the same routine every time.
I often wonder what the subject of his nightmares are. I know without a doubt they involve Matthias- I was working at the mental hospital at the time of his stay, and I knew they had a thing going on at the time. I even went so far as to visit Lukas after Matthias died. You could say that was where it all began, me and Lukas. One visit led to another, and before I knew it, I was walking down the altar. He was- is- everything I dreamed of in a partner: intelligent, caring, not to mention indescribably attractive. But I'm no fool. I know I will always be second to Matthias in Lukas' heart. Still, I don't mind. The thought of Lukas alone, dealing with his grief on his own, reminds me why I'm still with him, why he needs me.
But that doesn't stop me from looking into those beautiful bloodshot eyes every morning and wondering if I am everything to him like he is everything to me.
- Arthur Kirkland-Bondevik
YOU ARE READING
What He Has Become (DenNor)- Book 3 of the Unwell Series
FanfictionBook 3 of the Unwell Series (How I Used to Be, Who I Am Now, and What He Has Become) After the death of schizophrenic patient Matthias Køhler, Dr. Lukas Bondevik is fairly successful at returning to a normal life. However, as the details surrounding...
