Breaking Her Rules

Chapter 6

In the early 90s, Nora and I had a cat named Jimmy Barnes, a toddler named Daniel, a daughter soon to be on the way, and a steel boxy house near the city with carpeted bedrooms and a pinewood kitchen. I remember our bed was low set, and I think at one stage we had a bamboo room divider that did nothing but get in the way.

At the time Nora was going through a major change in her life. Her closest friends, Nic and Karen, had abandoned her. I was away constantly, touring with new bands and working on shows, and Nora stayed at home with a son just learning to talk. I know she was lonely, and I know she resented me for my work, but we were still in love, and we managed to make it work when I was home.

Because she felt trapped and lonely, Nora found new friends in people who understood her – mothers. She threw herself into playgroups and mothers dates, and eventually she started the little business of renting out children's toys, which has now grown into her nationwide empire of Kidz Share.

When I was home I spent time with the band, although it was harder now that George and Nic refused to speak to each other, and Karen and Nic didn't want anything to do with Nora. Everyone was pregnant. Karen and Ivan had finally married and were pregnant. Nic was pregnant with her husband Guy, and Trevor's wife, the beautiful Wendy, who has now passed, was pregnant with her third child.

But George was still unmarried. I didn't see much of his new girl – the one he'd been with when he cheated on Nic. But it seemed George didn't have plans to settle down. He lived in Sydney for a while, and he was always in the tabloids for the wild solo gigs he played and the unrest he was trying to stir. He wanted revolution, he hated the government, he despised the military and he made sure his fans knew it.

The night he died, Nora told me George had had a huge fight with his girl. She was pregnant, Nora told me later, and George didn't want the baby. Nora said the girl had left him after the fight. When Nora said this, I realised I had to go see him. George Addison was prone to substance abuse during his bad moods. So I grabbed a bottle of wine and I went over there, to his house on the river, in case he needed a friend.

George had a studio in his house, and sometimes Trevor and I would come over for a jam session. I had a key, so I let myself in. It was already late – when I left home it was probably after ten, and the house was dark.

I was too late, of course, but I didn't know that.

I walked straight through his kitchen. Later I found out he left a note on the fridge. But I didn't see it. I figured he'd gone for a drive, so I left the bottle of wine on the counter, and went down to the studio.

George had a great new guitar. He'd bought it a week ago, and he'd told me about it but I hadn't seen it yet, so I was itching to try it out. That's what haunts me the most. I spent an hour maybe, in that studio, in George's house. Probably at that same time he was standing on a bridge, deliberating taking his own life. And I was unaware, playing his brand new guitar.

I'm lying in bed, reading the excerpt from Dad's book that has been published overnight in the newspaper and since spread rapidly through online music news sites and gossip columns. This is the first taste the public has of the background of George Addison's death, and people are eating it up.

But what's caught me is not the idea of George standing on a bridge, contemplating death, but the fact that George cheated on his highschool sweetheart, Nicoletta, and his lover was pregnant. George has a child, living somewhere in this world, and we didn't know about it?

I'm hungover, I probably have panda eyes from last night's make up, and I desperately need a coffee, but I walk into the lounge room anyway, where my dad is sitting on the couch, eating cereal and watching a morning news program.

'Dad,' I say. I'm standing rigidly at the door to the hall.

'Hi, Em, how was last night?' he asks, without looking up from the TV.

'Does George have a kid?'

'What?'

Mum appears at the kitchen doorway with a cup of coffee in her hand.

'The excerpt was published last night, remember?' Mum says.

'Oh fuck, yeah,' Dad says. 'I forgot about that. Did you read it, Emmy?'

'Yes,' I say. 'It's online. You said George's lover was pregnant.'

Dad's gaze flicks over to Mum, who is holding her coffee tightly in both hands. Her straight blonde hair is pulled into a ponytail and she's wearing a silk gown over her pyjamas.

Dad looks back at me. 'He doesn't have a child.'

'Well what happened?' I asked, rubbing sleep from my eyes.

Dad looks again to Mum, who speaks. 'We lost contact with her. George's girl. After he died she disappeared. But the last I heard she terminated the pregnancy. She didn't want to have a child with that hanging over its head. He committed suicide the night he found out she was pregnant. It's not very nice, Em.'

'You're sure?'

'That she terminated the pregnancy? Yes,' Mum says.

Dad stands up and leaves the room without comment, leaving Mum and me alone.

'How come you know this?' I ask.

'Because... I knew her,' Mum says deliberately. 'I was close to her.'

I narrow my eyes and turn around, heading back down the hall to my bedroom.

Julian is a late riser, but I know at some stage he'll log onto Facebook and see people sharing the article, and he'll be inclined to read it too. And that's how he'll find out his mother was dating George Addison, the drug addled lead singer of Dime's the Limit.