A Change Of Heart (On Hold)

~Meeting Him~

I found myself standing in our town’s graveyard. I kept my eyes focused ahead, walking at a fast pase to my destination. My heart clenched when I went by my father’s grave, knowing all too well that my brother’s grave wasn’t too far away now. All too soon, I approached it. There it was, one single grave on its lonesome right in front of me. His grave was surrounded by a bunch of beautiful lilies; those were his favorite kind of flowers. His grave was that of a holy cross, he was always the one with strong faith on his side. I kneeled down in front of his grave; my eyes were focused on the small print carved into the middle of the cross.

Tyler James Marsh

1989-2010

Gone, but never forgotten.

Then, I glanced down at the small bag still somewhat attached to his grave; a brick holding it down to the dirt. Inside, were a bunch of cards he had gotten when he went to the hospital for his Chemo. I glanced at the side of the cross, smiling as a single tear escaped at the memory of the picture that was tapped there not too long ago. It was when we went out to dinner for his 21st birthday. His blue eyes were shining at the camera, his brown hair in need of a cut and his loving smile showing his teeth; white as ever. I found myself smiling back at him, remembering the day all too clearly; he couldn’t shut up about what alcohol beverage to try first. My smile grew noticing the black and white sweater that he was wearing; I had gotten him that, that morning. Then I took the time to study the girl sitting next to him, she looked just like me. Same bright green eyes, same long black hair. But there was something different about her; she looked more alive in that picture. Suddenly, I saw a shadow loom over me at the corner of my eyes.

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to disturb you.” I watched the boy, who looked my age, kneel down next to me. I was confused for a second, did I know him; or did he just know my brother?  Once I risked a glance in front of him though, I realized there was a new grave next to my brothers. I carefully watched as he folded his hands in a prayer like motion, he closed his eyes and I could tell he was concentrating on the right words to say. For some reason though, I felt I had to do the same. So I gently closed my eyes and kneeled down; bringing my hands up into a prayer like motion. I flinched when I felt a strong hand on my shoulder.

“It’s my mom, she and my dad got a divorce when I was little; she only just died a few days ago, tragic car accident I was told.” I opened my eyes to find him staring thoughtfully at his mother’s grave. I felt the need to say something, just as he had.

“My brother-“I nodded towards the grave in front of me. “-died two years ago from cancer, we were really close.” I whispered to him, as if it were a secret. I bit my lip, returning my gaze to the ground. I heard him take an intake of breath, he was about to say something when an obnoxious ringing of a cell phone rang; echoing throughout the grave yard. He retreated his hand to his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, standing up as he did so.

“Hello? Yeah dad, at the grave yard. Not yet. Yeah, okay; bye.” He silently closed his phone and turned to me.

“Well, it was nice meeting you. Best wishes for you and your family.” He turned around after sending a smile to his mother’s grave and started to walk away.

“You too.” The words were silent, but I knew he had heard my response. Once he was far enough away, I let out the loud sobs I had been holding in. I cried, seeing all the burned memories flash through my eyes. I cried, remembering the last time that I saw him. It was the morning he died; I can remember begging my mother to let me go to his Chemo session because I had gone to each and every one. But this time it was different, like she knew something was going to go wrong. I cried, remembering the last time I felt his hug, I was too afraid of letting him go; he seemed the same way.