Get Your House In Order

Come Thru

I went through the end of the week with my conversation with Roslyn fresh on my mind. Between that time, I decided to get back with Larry and I hadn't talked to Ronald since that time and I felt that void. Nobody around me is as fly or intelligent as him. We'd always have deep conversations and he'd leave me laughing with some of his comments. He'd always find a way to call me beautiful too. That always stood out, mainly because of the fact that no guy has ever called me beautiful outside of my Dad! Does that really even count though?

Anyway, I could tell that I messed up. The fact that he may have moved on really troubles me. I see him every day in passing too. The time that really killed me is when he came to the library to talk to the librarian about his book and I was with Larry. The reason why I know he was talking about his book is because I was listening in something serious!

Here Larry was, holding me and whispering all of nothing in my ear as he smelled and stroked my hair. Meanwhile, I watched the boy that was almost mine handle business. He actually glanced at me. We locked eyes for a second but he shook his head and walked out the door. I felt like breaking out in tears then and there. Maybe Roslyn was right. I did choose the wrong guy!

The bell to go to our next period rang and I made my way out of Larry's embrace. He said, "Where are you goin' so fast bae?"

"I'm going to class. I actually care about my education."

He walked up on me and smiled with his white and yellow teeth, the ones I had just noticed then. "Why don't you skip with me? I mean, we just got back together and I want to spend time with you. You already know the squad is going to be on standby too but you know I'ma be with you so I don't care what they're going to be doing."

I know he didn't ask me to skip my Biology class just to be with him and his boys that already have li'l' feeling for me. A few of them even said they loved me? What type of backwards stuff is that? I honestly felt like telling him off but, I kept it simple. I gathered my books, turned to him. "Goodbye Larry."

To make matters worse, Larry didn't even attempt to change my mind. He saw one of the ratchet 9th graders and started "turning up" with them. I guess God was trying to get me to see something. Even though he's my first love, Larry's just not for me anymore.

And maybe Ronald is...

The void I felt in my heart from not talking to Ronald made it's way into the weekend. The week before he captivated my attention and even made me long to see him on Monday. But, Saturday rolled around and I felt like things were just dead. Larry called me and put me on call with one of his stupid homeboys and another girl that clearly was trying to throw shade. They were so boring that I fell asleep on them!

Fast forward to Sunday. I was still thinking about Ronald. I had to talk to him! This feeling of boredom was weighing down on me too much. I wanted to know if he was through with me. I wanted to know if, because of my bad decision that I owned up to, he cut me off. I didn't think I would've been able to take it if he didn't respond to me or if he basically told me it was over but I still took the risk.

"Umm.....are we still going to be friends or are you're done with me?"

He messaged me back a few seconds after I sent my message that took me about 20 minutes to type up and send:

"This talking on Facebook thing isn't the move. I told you that I want to see you. Do you want to see me?"

"Of course I do."

He typed back, "Well, find a way down to Riverview Park. I'll be waiting."

Immediately, I went to talk to my older brother so he could drive me down to the park. Surprisingly, he didn't fuss or argue with me. He just took me down.

I guess God was speaking again...