I was sitting in the waiting room of the doctor’s office waiting to be called upon. Every month we visit the doctors to get a check up on how my brain is going, if my brain is starting to remember little bits. But it is still the same. There is only one way to help my memory, to help me return to normal. I read it in my diary this morning. When I was 16, the doctors told me about a life threating operation that can help my memory or end up killing me. My sister said no. I don't know the reason of why she had said no but I think it’s because there is more of a chance of losing me then the operation working. Now that I am over the age of 18 I am able to proceed with this operation but knowing the chance of my survival, I’m scared. I’m scared of dying; I’m scared to know what will happen to Amanda. She is the only person that I have in this world. But then I think of what will happen if the operation is a success; I can live a normal life, have friends, find the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and be able to have children, my life would be perfect. But the chance of survival is 20% out of 100. That is what scares me.
20 minutes later Dr. Harrison calls us into his office. “Good afternoon Juliet and Amanda how are you?” Dr. Harrison asked as we took our sits on the opposite side of this desk. “Good and you?” Amanda and I asked in unison. “Great, now for what we actually came here for you ready Juliet” “yep” I replied. “Great now please remove all jewelry before we proceed with the scans.” After I removed all my Jewelry the doctor took me into another room to complete the scans. After about 30 minutes the scans were complete and the doctor took me back into the room where my sister was waiting patiently for my return. I took my sit as the doctor started to speak. “ Your brain is still the same, it seems it has not gotten better after 5 years, I’m a afraid to say that this is permanent.” Dr. Harrison said while giving my sister and I sad eyes. “However” he continued “there is always the operat…..” he was cut off by my sister screaming NO. “I will not allow her to have the operation, she is my sister and what if it goes wrong and I end up losing her. She is the only family I have left, it is not going to happen” my sister screamed while tears started streaming down her face. “I’m sorry Amanda but it is not your decision, it is Juliet’s. She is now 19 years old and doesn’t need a guardian to sign the papers” “but she is my sis…” I cut her off. “I want to do the operation”. “WHAT! Juliet no you only have 20% chance of survival. I don’t want to lose you, what if it goes wrong,” she yelled at me. “But what if the operation works and I can finally be able to live a normal life without waking up and reading a fucking diary telling me about that stupid accident, it is worth a try and I want to do it” I screamed with tears running down my cheek. “Doctor Harrison, I want to do the operation if it gives me the chance of being normal, I going to take it, enough with being scared I want to do it” is said while turning my attention to towards the doctor. “Very well Juliet, I will go get the papers to sign so we can proceed with the operation,” Dr. Harrison said while leaving his office to gather the paperwork. My sister wouldn’t talk to me. But it is my life and I have a chance of living it. I’m going to take it.
Moments later Dr. Harrison returned with the paper work, I signed it and left the doctors office.
1 month, 1 month and my dreams may or may not come true, 1 month until my life changes forever, I month until my OPERATION.
Dear Diary
Wow. Just wow is all I can say. Today has been a very interesting birthday. First the boy and now the operation. I shall start with the boy but why am I even writing about him, he is the only boy that has ever been written down in this diary. Why cant I just ripped out these pages and not write about him. Especially what happen today, he was so rude to me. He was making fun of me for writing about him but I just can’t help it. There is something about him that makes me keep these pages. Do I like them, but I cant its impossible because I would just forget about these feelings the next day. I should just rip these pages out, I should just forget about them, nothing will work out between us it cant. But the fact is I don’t want to forget about him. What is wrong with me? Today I finally decided to have the operation. 1 month and everything in my life is going to change. I hope for the best but there is more of a chance of it not. My sister doesn’t support my decision, which makes me even more scared about it because I’ll be going to through it alone. No one to help me through it and tell me everything is going to be okay. But nope I have someone was keeps calling me an idiot and telling me I’m stupid for making that decision, that the operation isn’t going to work. If you were really my sister then you would support my decision.
Love Juliet ~
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