Beautiful Lies

Dream

I stood there, hopelessly watching my mother drive away in her metallic silver Chrysler through my glistening teary eyes. How could she? How could she leave me with a man like this, he stared at me, and in a deep, spine chilling voice he yelled " Get inside now! ". I tried to stop the everlasting salty drops falling down my plump bright cheeks, I tried to swallow the fear that had planted itself in the back of my throat, seizing to allow words to escape from my full pink lips, but it didn't work and I heard his voice again, sharper this time full of hatred and anger

"Ashley! Get your arse inside before I make you wish your mother had takin you with her !" His eyes were pitch black, his black beard shadowing every word that escaped his thin pale lips. It was too late for that, I wanted to be with my mother, I wanted my mother to take me with her, but as always I'm left here with here dreadful, nightmare of a husband "Terry".

I managed to filter his words and with a quick snap back to reality I moved my feet, each step towards the front door made the blood rush through my veins faster. I paused a few steps from the door hoping Terry would walk inside , a few seconds past and I knew my hopes were ill-fated. I stepped closer to the door, my dull hazel eyes to the ground, I didn't dare look up, as my left foot entered the doorway, my body felt an instant shock, pain raced from my head and heightened every sense in my body I let out a loud yelp and fell to the ground, instantly pulling my legs up to my chest, eyes clenched as tight , bracing myself for more blows

" and you wonder why you mother leaves you home! She doesn't want to put up with your shit! So she leaves you here, get your arse in your room and stay there until you think you deserve to come out" he yelled, I went to get up, slowly, still trying to brace myself, and I felt his hard sturdy foot lunge into my weak leg " run! Or boot you again!" He spat out. I didn't hesitate for one second, I moved as fast as I could into my room and shut the door behind me, his chuckling stung my ears. I put my back towards the door and took a deep breath, "be brave, don't cry, that's exactly what he wants" but my body wouldn't listen, my knees sank to the ground, my eyes filled with bitter, salty tears of hate and hurt ,I grabbed a pillow from my single bed , allowed my face to sink into it and sobbed.

I stayed in my room, even when I felt fine, I didn't want to leave the four walls that surrounded me. My room was my safe place, my sanctuary and I wouldn't dare walk out the chipped wooden door until I heard the loud roar of my mothers car down the road. I slowly stood up, the ache in my thigh was unbearable, my eyes barely open because of the endless tears that had previously fallen. I lock the door and move towards the mirror, slowly removing the straps of the light blue dress that hugged every curve of my silhouette, the dress drops and I examine my naked body, the imprinted marks of Terry's wide fingers protrude from my skin, the black purple colour was on multiple areas of my body, and the newest addition on the side of my thigh , a rather large dark green oval , the reason for the aching. I hugged myself, eyes fixed on my reflection "why me? Why does he do this to me, what did I do wrong, I'm only 12, what could I have done to make him hate me this much" my eyes stared filling with the salty liquid on e again, a single tear fell, then a second, before another fell I wiped my eyes, took a deep breath and forced a smile to appear on my broken face " you are beautiful, and somewhere, someday, someone will love you enough to make all this pain worth it" I said to myself. "It will get better"

I heard heard the roaring of my mothers car and I quickly redressed myself, I unlocked my door and sprinted out down the narrow hallway and opened the front door. I saw my mother open the front door of the gleaming car, her large rounded belly made her look even more beautiful then usual, I left the the entrance of the house and skipped to my mum, as soon as I reached her I wrapped my arms around the thin layer of skin that held my soon to be born sister and looked up into her smiling light brown eyes. There was something about my mother that made me feel safe, she made me feel warm, as if I was in her belly where no one could touch me.

"Mum?" I asked

"Yes Ashley?, what is it my darling , what's wrong" she answered

My eyes sparkled from the hurt, I wanted to tell her what I was feeling, I wanted to tell her how her husband was treating me , but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth, the expression on her face changed and she started to look flustered and worried,

"Honey, what wrong? You look up set.... What is it?" Her eyes searched for truth, they were desperate eyes, I just smiled and said "I love you mum".

She grinned from ear to ear and kissed my cheek hard, but at the same time as soft as a rose petal, she reached into her pocket and pulled out something shiny, a little silver butterfly hair clip. She pulled the hair from my flustered face and clipped it up, I smiled and looked up to her shyly

"Beautiful my baby girl" she whispered

The air went thin as Terry came out to greet Mum, she smiled, of coarse, when she saw him. I looked at him as he walked towards My Mother and thought to myself "She would never love you if she knew what you were doing to me, she would hate you! Im her Daughter!". He looked at me as if to tell me in his own silent language to keep my mouth shut, and bruises hidden. This was one of the few things that gave me strength, I thought that I had a certain power over him, he knew that I could say anything to my mum, and he was scared, I'm sure of it. I kissed my Mothers cheek and walked off, to the back of the house. I done a lot of thinking there, it was just me and the cool fresh air, I could breath, I could think about other things, I could be myself without Terry watching every move I made, I was at my happiest when I was alone.

I took the pretty silver butterfly out of my wavy locks and examined it. Something no one could take away from me, something my mother gave me, my own beautiful treasure. It sparkled in the light, I loved it, the way the wings bounced up and down and the light bounced off it. I would treasure this clip, I placed it back into my hair and remembered my mothers faint whisper "beautiful my baby girl"

After an hour of laying in the tall grass, looking at the imperfect blue sky, my eyes slowly closed. I didn't want to fall asleep so I opened my heavy eye lids only to find myself laying in my red queen sized bed, I looked to my right and saw my younger sister fast asleep. She looked so peaceful and at ease, her long jet black hair fell effortlessly over her blanket, her perfect little lips part open well she slept and her blanket moved in a perfect rhythm as she breathed. I looked at my alarm clock and the bright numbers read 04:34am, I sat up and bought my legs towards my chest and I remembered the dream of my past, my face was damp from tears, as I wiped my eyes I remembered what I used to say as a little girl, "it will get better" 5 years later and nothing's changed, I sighed and put myself to sleep once again.