She laughed and it was carried away with the chilly breeze that stole her breath and froze his lungs.
"Sometimes I found myself looking at him for a really long time. Just staring really. And I'd be smiling just because I loved him so much" she laughed again as the tears fell more frequently "and it's funny because I didn't think it possible to love a person as much as I loved him. I love him"
"You knew he was going to hurt you. You said you knew he'd leave" he tried to reassure her.
"I did" she closed her eyes a moment and just breathed "I did but I didn't care. He could have left me for the moon. He basically did. But I knew I wouldn't regret a single second of him. Not a second of us. I knew that I would rather have had my heart broken by him than not have had those moments. I told myself 'just this once. Just this once he can have everything' that included my heart. I told him to take it. I didn't tell him to give it back. And I guess he didn't. I'd rather have it broken by him than never have loved him at all"
"And you're okay with that? Now that he has broken your heart" he looked at her expectantly "do you regret it?"
She paused again contemplating the question. She looked at the sky wondering if maybe someone out there was staring back.
He sighed "don't ever let someone do that"
"Do what?" It was her turn to be confused.
"Take everything from you. Your heart, your happiness, everything. And never let them do it without a fight. It's like killing yourself. But worse. Your body is alright. There might be a little physical pain in your chest or the pit of your stomach where you think you're dying but it's just the soul being killed. They will kill your soul"
She was speechless and she looked into his eyes.
"Gavin" she whispered
"Amy?" He asked back
"Why didn't he love me?" Her words struck him deep in his being. In everything he was he felt her words clattering around trying to make sense of them. How could he not have loved her? How could anyone not love her?
"He did!" Was all he could say
She smiled at him then turned back to the sky
"It wasn't love" she said softly "it never was. And I didn't know it then. We never do. We never truly understand what love is until it's over. After we're not caught up in it anymore. After it lets us fall"
"Did you love him?"
"I still do"
