For Phil {Completed}

Eight

I took the time alone to around. Everything wasn't all white like how you usually hear. There were sky blue walls with puffy white clouds, reminding my of the movie Toy Story. The sheets of the bed I was in were a minty green, and the hospital gown I wore was white with mint green polka dots. To my right was a machine with a monitor displaying my heart rate. There was an IV in the crease of my elbow, and some kind of tube going in to me.

It wasn't until I tried to sit up that I recognised the throbbing pain in my head. It felt like a magnitude one-hundred earthquake in my head. I fell back down, admitting defeat against the pain. It was just as I closed my eyes that Phil came in with the nurse.

"Hello, Daniel," she said. She was a small woman, probably around 5'5, and no doubt young. She didn't have a single wrinkle or blemish, not even a freckle. She had no makeup except some nude lipstick, and her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, secured with a light blue bow.

"H-hi," I said, voice still hoarse. Phil came and sat by my side, taking my hand.

"How are you feeling?" She asked sitting in the chair by my bed. She had a warm southern accent that highlighted her polite manner.

"My head hurts, and throat." She nodded, saying I'd be receiving some pain medication.

"Do you remember anything that happened when you fell, Dan?" I had to think for a minute before I remembered my birthday- or what it was supposed to be- with Phil.

"Um, k-kind of. We got to his house, and I felt a bit lightheaded but brushed it off. As soon as I got out I fell and that's all I remember."

"That's good, thank you. When you fell, you had passed out. When you hit the ground, your head hit the concrete pretty hard. We had to bandage you up, and you were in a coma," she explained.

"Oh," was all I could say. I heard a sniffle beside me and looked to see Phil wiping his nose on the sleeve of his hoodie. I hadn't noticed it before as he had been a leech attached to my neck, but it was my favourite of his hoodies. It was a lighter dark green, sitting perfectly on his shoulders and not hugging his form tightly, but enveloping him in a warm hug of cloth. "But, why did I pass out?" I inquired, though I was sure I knew the answer.

"Malnutrition. You had a lack of nutrients and your body could no longer support you. Which leads to another series of questions." Sha gave me a look, as if asking if she could continue, and I nodded hesitantly. Phil squeezed my hand a bit more before she asked the first question. "Dan, how are your eating habits?" NO, I change my mind, I don't want to talk about this. I'm fine.

"Um, I don't know, fine I guess," I lied.

"Dan, d-"

"It's alright, Mr.Lester. I would just like Dan to answer the questions with his own opinion and perspective, if that's alright." If spoken by anyone else, the words would have sounded sassy and confronting. But she was so polite that she could have insulted him and it would have sounded like the sweetest compliment a person had ever heard. Phil nodded and she asked me another question.

"How many meals do you eat a day?" Zero.

"At least two, three if I have time for breakfast."

"Do you think you eat fairly healthy?" Not at all.

"Yes."

"Do you like your body? Do you feel comfortable in it?" Absolutely not.

"Mostly."

"Have you ever deliberately harmed yourself?" Maybe once...

"No."

"Dan, could you please tell me the truth?" What was she talking about? "People do not pass out from malnutrition because they eat right and healthy. Can you please answer my questions honestly?" Fuck. I nodded despite her, and she smiled a bit more politely before looking down at her paper and back at me.

"So, how are your eating habits?"

"Um..." Phil nudged me a bit when I didn't answer to get my attention. I looked at him, and he stared back at me with pleading eyes. He looked like a kid who had just lost his mother, praying his father with his eyes to bring her back. I sighed and turned back to her. "Not very good, I guess," I answered slowly."

"How many meals do you eat a day?"

"Zero."

"Do you think you eat fairly healthy?"

"...Not particularly," I said after considering lying. I knew what I was doing wasn't "healthy," but what was SO bad about it?

"Do you like your body?"

"I don't love it."

"Have you ever deliberately harmed yourself?"

"No," I lied. She gave me a look that said she didn't buy it, but nodded before scribbling something on her paper, flipping a few pages before scribbing some more in her illegible doctor writing.

"Okay, I'll be back in just a moment," she said before standing and exiting the room. It was silent for a moment before I heard more sniffling, looking over at Phil. His cheeks were flushed read, stained with tracks of tears, and his eyes were red and puffy, his blue ocean pupils overflowing with salty ocean tears.

"Why didn't you tell me, Dan. I could've helped you."

"W-what do you mean?" I said, reaching up to wipe away his tears. He swatted my hand away before jumping out of bed.

"Stop bullshitting me, Dan," he nearly shouted. "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Why didn't you tell me you hated yourself so much? Why didn't you tell me you starved yourself? Why didn't you let me help you, Dan?" His voice broke when he said my name, and he brought his hands up to hide his face before I heard muffled crying.

"Ph-Phil, I-"

"No, Dan," he said, wiping his eyes and holding back more tears. "I'm going to go clean up." His voice wavered, and I knew exactly what he would end up doing. He was going to find himself in the dingy public bathroom, coiled up on the ground with his face buried in his knees. He's going to have tears pouring from his eyes, and his breath is going to be small huffs in between sobs. I've found myself in that state too many times to count, and I knew I couldn't keep Phil from finding himself there before he was out the door. 

Heyo! I'm really running out of stuff to say... so like walruses, am I right? he... he... okay, I'm sorry. Bad day + zero creativity (says whilst writing like three stories at once) = for boring authors note. So, Have a WoNdErFuL dAy because YOU DESERVE IT. Some people have no idea how much of an accomplishment it is to just live, and stay alive. So blue ribbon for you, because you're fucking doing it. And I'm not saying that those how can't are lesser or something- absolutely not. it's different for everyone, and you never know what they're going through. So have a good day, wish one to someone else, compliment someone, make them feel good, because you will to (why did that seem sexual?). So thank you and goodbye! ^-^