It's me, Haydee.

11/3/13

November 3,2013.

My therapist told me to try this journal writing thing, so here I am, trying to fill these spaces up with words that are just popping out in my brain. I even googled how to write on a journal and it just showed me the pretty basic stuff--like for example, first you can try to introduce yourself and why you're writing on it, so that when you re-read the journal, you'll be able to read what once were your thoughts.

My name is Haydee, Haydee N. Miranda. I am 18 years young and I live in the Philippines,kaya oo, nagtatagalog ako. Pero mas sanay ako sa english so alternating sentences or paragraphs (but no conyo) and I'm a 3rd year college student in one of the schools in the city. I am particularly fascinated about the human body, the irregularities that occur in it, or on it, and the treatment.

My dream is to become a doctor one day and help children and senior citizens to be able to live their lives fully. i guess, it's my gift from God. I definitely suck at math, but I can do pretty well in the sciences, be it natural,life, etc. Also, If you think I don't have a social life, you're right.

I have a few friends and a bestfriend (what's the definition of a best friend tho?). Kyra, my bestfriend(i mean i consider her mine i just don't know if i'm hers) is also the same, except she's more of into constructing building, bridges and stuff like that.

Should I make this thing more personal?

well, why not? i'm the only one that's gonna read it anyways.

So, here it goes.

I have a boyfriend, we've been together for like 4 years already and I don't have any feelings for him anymore, but we're still together because he doesn't want to break up with me.

His name is Carlo, we''re in a long distance relationship so yup, it's actually really hard for the both of us, I don't know about him but I don't really think that we're inlove. I mean, for me, love is just another patch to cover the real issues in our life, it's like covering a wound with cotton,.soft, mushy, and most teddy bears are made out of it. And I just dont feel that way towards him. Di ko alam kung anong klaseng katangahan ang sumapi sakin nung sinagot ko siya nun.

I should've seen it then, na hindi naman talaga namin mahal ang isa't isa. that we were just using each other to cover our wounds and to pretend that we're capable of love. But we aren't.

I think i've said too much already for a first entry, anyhoo, yun nga, may crush ako. di ko sinasabing tama na magkaron ka ng crush kahit nasa relationship ka na pero sometimes you just can't stop yourself. May crush ako, he likes cars. He studies them. I don't know, kung sa pagiging ME niya ba ko nagkakagusto or sakanya mismo. I don't know him though, so siguro sa pagiging ME niya lang ako nagkakagusto. His name? Calvin. Calvin Nandengco. I think (based sa stalking skills ko) 19 years old siya, Birthday: Feb 11, probably 1997. Birth place: Zamboanga.He has a sister and he lives with his mother. I'm not sure about his Dad, i think his father is in the states.

I've been crushing on him for 2 years already, nagstart siya ng sophomore year ko, we were both sophomores then and he was a gentle man kahit di kami magkakilala.

at oo nga pala,

I'm known as the "silent bitch" dito sa school, pero di naman ata ako kilala ng lalaking yun, well mas okay yun, wala siyang alam tungkol sakin. 

I guess it's better if we're strangers.

Goodnight journal, bukas ulit.

___________________________________________________________   xoxo,Haydee.