Writing a Song Takes Time

**CC’s POV**

It’s been about a month since Jessie disappeared. With Addy.

I blame myself. If I had stayed with her and not allowed her to convince me to leave with Ashley, she’d still be with us. 

We don’t even know if she’s alive.

The police told us she’s probably dead by now if Jessie did take her.

I questioned their “if” when they said that. The fuck did they mean. Did Addy just get up and walk away? She got fucking shot. Like twice. And from the blood in the hallway, she got stabbed too.

Fucking cops man. Stupid as shit.

In all my guilt I may have turned back to something I promised the army, and myself I wouldn’t do.

Yeah.. I’m self harming again. 

I got up off my bed and made a mental note to stop playing narrator with myself. I walked over to the dresser and grabbed my blade. I stared at it a moment before sitting back down. 

What was it about such a small object that held so much attention, so much addiction.

I held my arm out and made the first cut. I pulled the blade slowly, putting pressure on it. 

Instead of continuing right away, I watched the blood. It was always like this. I loved the blood. I couldn’t help but stare at it.

When I was done cutting, I had ‘fake’ ‘your fault’ ‘murderer’ ‘im sorry’ and ‘fuck’ permanently put on my body along with a lot of other thin lines.

Fake was because I’m going around telling all our fans that self-harming isn’t the way and yet here I am, while I’m sorry is me apologizing.

Your Fault and Murderer are obvious. It’s my fault she’s not here and is probably dead.

Fuck was because I was beginning to go too deep.

Instead of cleaning myself up right away, I took a nap.

*1 hour later*

There was a knocking at my door.

“No..” I murmured. “Go away..”

The knocking continued. “CC I know you’re in there.” Came Roxy’s voice. “Ashley’s coming home in an hour. The doctor’s just run a few final tests before sending him out. he’ll be in a chair and I want to talk to you to make sure you’re ready for this.”

I dragged my hands down my face. “Whatever. Come in.”

She opened the door and flicked on my light. I instinctively threw my arms over my eyes while she gasped.

I hadn’t put a blanket on.

“CC.. What did you do to yourself?” 

**Addy’s POV**

I’d been in a.. I don’t know really. I passed out along the way and she never told me where we were. All I know is that she treated all the injuries she inflicted on me so she could have some more fun.

She came by once a month it felt like. She corrected me once when I questioned her for torturing me once a month. She told me it was a week. Then she sliced right near my ribcage and let me bleed for an hour.

If someone were to ask me if I was enjoying this or despised it with a passion, I wouldn’t have an answer.

On one hand, she’s delivering me pain once a week. Giving me small amounts of food, and I could possibly die. I love that. 

On the other hand, I can’t see Ashley. I can’t kiss him, hold him.. Nothing. Damn him. Why does he have to be so cute.

The door opened then, breaking off my train of thought.

“Darlinng.” She purred. “I’m homee.”

I smiled. “Right on time.” 

Jessie walked over to me and pecked me on the lips. “How are last weeks coming?” She questioned, peeking at the bandages. She went to pull one off and I caught her hand.

“No peeking before the grand unveiling.” I laughed.

She shook her head. “You’re fucking weird as shit bro.”

I tilted my head to the side. “Why?”

“Because most people would be attempting to kill me right now.” She gestured around the room and continued. “Trying to flee. Fucking anything. And you, you make jokes with me. Smile and talk to me while I’m cutting into your damn body.”

“I’m sowwy I’m weird.” I looked down like a lost puppy.

She cracked up. “That’s what I’m talking about!” She laughed even harder. 

When she finally began to calm down she turned to me and lifted my shirt. “Now seriously, I gotta check this out.” She carefully peeled off the bandage and began poking and prodding at the huge knife hole. “Well it’s coming along.” She sighed. “No twisting and turning, kicking, or damage towards the sides for a week.”

I dropped my head. “Okay.” I mumbled.

“Fucking weirdo..”

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Here we are finally. This is all I have so far though, so you might be waiting a little bit for more. I'm very good at procrastination.

I was going to post this like a week ago but wifi problems :/

Also, the Alternate Ending is fully up and you can go check that out.

Picture is Addy.

Video is Pain by Three Days Grace cause I went to their cconcert and it was awesome.

Hope you enjoyed!

~xoxo Ashee<3