Donuts-Cupcakes Spoof

Prologue: Delicia

It's a lovely sunny Saturday. In my opinion, Saturdays are the absolute best days of the week. Usually on a Saturday, I would take a nap for five hours. But today, I am visiting a very good friend of mine. As I walk into the local candy store of Joplin, Missouri, I see my best friend, Alaryssa, behind the counter, greeting me with a warm smile, like she always is, no tweaks about it. 

"Hey, Delicia," Ally says, in her normal, not-tweaked voice.

"Hey, Ally," I respond. "you wanted me to meet you at four-thirty this afternoon. What are we going to do today? Nope, let me guess. Are we going to pull more pranks on people? The ones from last time were awesome!"

"Oh, Delicia, we are going to do something even better than pranks. We are going to make.....DONUTS!" Ally answers.

"Ally," I say in exasperation, "You know baking isn't my special talent. Don't you remember the last time we tried making donuts?" All I remember from the last time I tried making donuts, with Ally's guidance,  was batter all over the kitchen and burnt donut holes.

"Oh, I remember it like it was yesterday," Ally replies. "But  this time, they are going to be perfect. Don't worry, I'll do most of the work."

"Oh, okay," I say. "What do we have to do first?" As if to answer my question, Ally walks to the cabinet behind the counter, picks out a box from the bottom left shelf, and walks with it to the table at which I am sitting. Ally sets the box down on the table, and when I open it, I am happy to find that the next thing that she informs me of is that the donuts in the box are root beer flavored with a chocolate glaze.

"First, you sample one." Ally says with her usual enthusiasm.

"I thought I was going to help bake," I say in a little bit of a panic. Ally might be misleading me to do something else, but who fucking knows, I think in my head.

"You are," Ally assures me."You just have to know what it has to taste like before we get started." Unsure, I agree with her and take a bite out of a donut that I take out of the box.  Immediately after I take a bite, I know something is way off. Instead of a bread-like texture in my mouth, I feel something chewy. Also, the donut is way too sweet, like Ally put too much sugar in it or something. I start to feel a little bit suspicious. Ally would never screw up her recipes, even on accident, I think. Something's up.

"Whoa," I say with surprise. "What is in this donut, Ally? It's way sweeter than usual."

"Well," Ally replies. "I do feel a little sweeter than usual today."

"Oh," is all I can think of to say. Maybe that's why she must have put too much sugar in this donut, I think in my head. Oh well, Ally knows I love sugar. As I try to forget about the taste and texture of my donut, I start to feel dizzy and really tired. Seconds after I realize this, the feeling is overwhelming, so I have to lay down. Immediately after I lay down, I realize that Ally put sedative in my donut. That fucking traitor, I think. I knew she was fooling me.

"What do you think, Delicia?" Ally asks me. I make a failed attempt to answer her question as I merely moan before the drugs pull me under, leaving me to suffer dreams of hell.