Book Of Demons..

I Wish I Just Said Hello And Goodbye..

I sit here in this same wretched place as I sat last time I opened my veins. It was supposed to be the end, really I was. But now I must live with the scars and the shame. I don't know why I'm writing this note. It seems like a lost cause. Will I even show it to you? that I don't know. I'm not good at interpreting what goes on in my brain. but now I'll take the chance and try to explain. I'm done sitting here thinking of what to say. It probably won't make sense anyway. but here it goes.... every time I get to close to someone I tend to feel needy. I hate having to rely on others to give me strength because I know that if I don't block them out, I'll just hurt them, or maybe they'll hurt me. but you, you're different, I don't think you'll hurt me an I'm trying so hard not to hurt you. But even so I still hate looking to others for help and support I don't like to act needy. When I let my guard down and I let someone in on all of my secrets, I try to just pass my problems by and not make a big deal out I it. if I do let someone know how big of a deal my problems are to me I'll look to them for help temporarily. But this make me realize I am needy. I don't like to be needy. So I push them away. The one who has helped me, so I can stop bringing them down with my obsession, my depression and wasting their time with my needs. I hope their lives get better again once I stop bothering them with my pleads and my screams for help. I wish I never would've let them through my walls to begin with. I know I can live on my own and I'd far rather that that than be the reason behind their bleeding. I want you to know I never want to let you go. Because you complete me. But I bring you down with my sadness each day. I really don't want to hurt you. I want you so bad and ill try not to push you away. But if you get bored of dealing with my pain, I'll let you go, and I'll understand. it was nice meeting you anyway.

Okay so if anybody actually has read this far at all. I should probably say that this stuff is what I write when I can't calm down or when someone asks me something I can't respond to. Stuff like that. And yeah, I haven't proof read any of the stuff I put on here. Straight from my book and I don't usually think through what I'm going to say, so sorry if it doesn't make sense.. :/ thanks for reading :j