MY FEELINGS FOR ZAYN JAVADD MALIK

Part 1 and only

Dear Zayn

You had my heart at what makes you beautiful.. wanna know how.. well.. here it goes.. To tell you the truth I have never been a fan of Holly music I love Holly movies and shows n stuffs but music was only about what I heard in those movies n stuffs.. However, one day changed my life forever.. On July this year I came across the vid 'what makes you beautiful' and my first reaction (to my bro) on seeing you was - 'Arey ye to apne jaisa hai.. Ye kaun hai mast sweet hai (he is one of us.. who is he.. He is damn sweet)'.. and that moment changed everything for me.. I fell  in love with you.. However, the very next moment my heart broke when my bro told me u have already left the band! I was shattered.. I didn't know whether u still make songs or you have quit forever.. I searched the internet the whole night that day.. I felt your love getting stronger with the verse 'I am broken' from "more than this".. The next moment I know 'Summer love' melted my heart away.. I stayed the whole night awake  searching through the websites looking for your videos.. trying to find out answers what made 1D  and why you left 1D  and what were you upto next! Searching youtube for 'Zayn Malik' gave me "Pillow Talk" .. I thought to myself " This cheesy big quiff is now a man expressing his mature love life and Oh! With his girlfriend Gigi Hadid".. I fell deeply and insanely in love with you .. I felt for you what I have never felt for anyone.. I created a twitter account for u..it was  like I have developed  an alter ego who only cares about you , dreams abt u, want everything best for u! I promised myself that I wil alwaz support u(maybe I'm lucky in a way coz I didn't have the weight of 1D on my shoulder) but I saw some really terrible tweets, news about you, how u were the target of some very sick ppl n I wanted to kick them in a place they would never recover from! But my love only grew stronger with time.. I downloaded #MOM.. researched evrything I could abt u.. even ask some twitterees for help.. Some very helpful but others just ignorant and bitch n it made me think how the hell they call themselves a #zquad?! U are just so helpful n caring. My mother is a single parent, u have the blessing of both your parents bt u being closer to ur mum made me love you even more.. my mother is my life and seeing ur love for your mother made me love her even more..so thank you zaynie for that! Then the news about ur 'anxiety' issue broke out.. cancellation of live shows fakers tweeting laughing abt it and I thought to myself.. well this is who I am too.. I am going through anxiety.. whenever I have to talk to eldies back at home or my seniors at office I just crumble down into small pieces.. never being able to gather the courage to speak out my mind and too scared to talk about it out loud to anyone! But the way you accepted ur issue in front of the whole  world made me change my look at life.. Just the beginning of this September I finally gathered the courage, fought with anxiety and went for a discussion with my senior most manager at work revealing her the mental harassment I have been facing these past yeas! Zaynie I finally spoke and she listened to me and came up with a solution.. its all because of you that I could muster the courage to talk to her , to overcome ny anxiety.. and since then I have been trying evryday a lil more to fight with my issue.. and I pray to God everyday that one day you too can get over anxiety and give us a fantabulous live stage performance( I am broke so yeah I won't be able to afford to attend it but it would be the best days of my life) ♡.. #ZaynbooK - I finally broke my piggy bank I have been saving since I was a kid to buy your #ZaynBook.. hopefully it will be delivered soon.

It's a damn big letter and I wanna say soooooo much more believe me but I know I have to end it up here..  Lastly I wanna thank you with all my heart for being you.. I love you @zaynmalik

#Zinfinity - This is a hashtag I made for you to show you that you will reign tIll infinity and not just #Z016

Please follow me at @zayndesifan1 ♡♡