Just a heads up that this is not mine. It is from Tumblr.
“She’s great. Best girl I’ve ever knew,” Harry says in an interview, when an interviewer asked him about you. He’s currently on tour and the boys are being interviewed in a show in LA. You stared at the screen and almost cried because you’re missing him so much. There’s a pile of crumpled paper on your desk. All drafts on how you will tell him all the pain your feeling, receiving death threats and hate mails even from school. It’ll never be normal dating a superstar but then, you never thought it could be this worse. You sit in the couch, alone and feeling the cold weather.
You opened your twitter account, and as usual, you’re having the many emails you get every bloody day. You thought that if other people receive this kind of amount of messages and attention on social networking sites, they would be so happy; the thing that only sucks is all these messages are hate mails.
You can see Harry check his phone while on the interview and you felt something on your stomach. Who is he checking? But then your worry faded when you heard a familiar tone on your phone and it’s a DM from Harry via twitter.
“You okay babe?”
“Yeah”
“Watching the interview?”
“Yep”
“How do I look?”
“Stunning” and you smiled. You looked at the TV and you can see Harry wave at the camera and you know that it’s a hundred percent for you.
“Just waved, did you see it?”
“Yes, you’re cute”
“Aha! Thanks, want some kisses?”
“No, I don’t think so”
“Aww. Love you still”
“Love you more”
And you can see his smile then proceed with the interview because the interviewer kinda notices he’s not with them and you laughed at his silliness. They still talk about their tour and lives and you muster all your strength to read mails again. You just don’t know how to please people, when all you think about is his fans. You even hacked his twitter sometimes and follow fans that you think genuinely cares for Harry. And although you are really trying your best to understand them, it just doesn’t seem very clear what they don’t like about you. You opened some unknown mails and read some of it:
You stole my Harry! You bitch!
Do you need money? I can give you some! Just leave Harry alone, gold digger!
Harry can never love you! You’re just a fling!
What makes you exceptional?! You’re just a fan; we’re even prettier than you!
We ship Hendall! Stop ruining them, home wrecker!
Ugly biaaatch!
But somebody stood out of all the messages:
Kill yourself, we deserve your place and you’re not. You don’t belong to him, you don’t even come with him on tours and some of us even follow them on each tour they have. Get lost! Kill yourself whore!
You never realized that your tears are so much to handle and they slowly crawl through your cheeks. You wiped them and you wanted to read some mails but you just can’t. Maybe they’re right. Maybe they do deserve Harry than you do. You can’t even afford to be with Harry’s shows all the time. All you can do is silently support him and be at home, go online all day. You can’t even come to his shows and cheer for him with the crowd. You suddenly felt lost and alone. “What if they’re right?” You asked yourself. You looked at your cuts and remember those days you hid it from Harry.
“What if…” you said and stared at it for quite a while, silently. You walked through the kitchen and reach for the knife when your phone rang…
“Hello baby?” Harry’s voice on the line and you can’t help but let out a sob. Oh how his voice calms down every part of you. Your hand holding the knife sort of trembled while you’re crying really hard.
“Honey, are you okay? What’s the matter?” Harry asked worried and you can’t even let out a word. You know he’ll get upset again if you open up the thing about hate, which you talked about zillion of times.
“Y/N, what is it? Please tell me, I’m dying of worry here?” he said, almost irritated.
“Harry,” is what you can say and sob again. You heard Harry end the call and you cried harder. Even Harry can’t stand you. Even Harry can’t bear your mistakes and weaknesses. You went to the couch with the knife. The show ended and news is what flashes on the TV now. You turned off the TV, stare afar. You’ve remembered the times you’re with Harry and how you suck being the weakest girlfriend. You cried yourself until you fell asleep for a while then after an hour, you’ve woken up. You realized that you’re already alone now and there’s nothing to live for. Even Harry gave up on you. Even Harry can’t stand being with you. You’re just a failure. You’ve reached the knife and when you’re jus about to have the first cut the door banged and…
“Oh my God Y/N! Put that thing down!” he rushed over your side and hugged you tightly. You felt him shake and sob and you can’t even believe he’s here now, NOW.
You dropped the knife unwittingly and you just froze for few seconds, absorbing what’s really happening.
“What’re you doing? What’re you doing? What’re you doing? What’re you…” you hear him sniff and weep and he repeats the question until it faded into sobs, still hugging you. You felt like a rock hit your head and you finally gain your wit. Tears fell down silently on your cheek and you rubbed Harry’s back. You never heard him cry like this before, it’s like he’s so scared and sad at the same time. And you’re the one who made it. You felt really stupid.
“Ha-Haz, I’m… I’m sorry,” you said, still caressing his back and he continued to cry for minutes. You still comfort him and you felt awful, causing this much trouble to your boyfriend. He flew back from other country just to run to you. He finally faces you but still, never letting go of you.
“Y/N, why did you do that? You scared the shit out of me,” he said, still sniffing.
“I… I don’t want to… to be hated… anymore,” you answered.
“Of course, no one wants to be hated. That’s why I’m here, if you need to talk about it, I’m always here,” he maybe childish at times but he’s the best person you know you can talk to.
“But I thought, you don’t want to talk about—“
“No babe, I’m always open to talk to about this. It just pissed me off when you keep quiet and you let it all sink in then think about this,” he pointed at your cuts. “I would never want you to harm yourself again,” he said and looked at you with pleading eyes. You nod and look at him, eye to eye.
“I love you. And I promised your mum to take care of you as much as I can so please, don’t do this. Don’t push yourself too hard. That’s why I’m here; I could be your punching bag. If you really can’t bear being alone, then call me, I’ll be in my fastest and make sure I’ll be at your door once you open it, I don’t care what time I have to travel. I’ll do anything for you. Anything,” he held your hand and kissed it.
And it’s true. He traveled miles just to be by your side when the time came you needed him the most. And you thought, he’d always be your hero.
