Memories

Same Mistakes

Running. I was running a few blocks from my house. It was what I did quite often after I ate. The food was just sitting in my stomach, yearning to get out. If I didn't run or release it another way I couldn't sleep. I knew it was there in my stomach. The icy late December breeze nipped at my dry fit jacket as I kept my pace. Fall Out Boy pounded in my ear drums keeping me focused on the never ending street.
It was a dark tonight with only the dim flickering street lights of my gated neighborhood every block or so. The light cast a warm glow making the shadows dance. My own figure looked just as ominous.

My sneakers pounded the pavement but I couldn't hear it, my music was too loud. Just like I didn't hear the car approaching. I was too busy focused on frivolous things. My weight, my modeling career, what I would wear to bed.

Such frivolous things to think about before death. I didn't think about my relationship with my boyfriend. Or my mother. Maybe I didn't think about them because some part of me knew I would see them again like everyone does everyday.

Because it was just an ordinary day. I would wait for Niall to get back. We would cook dinner while tentatively flirting with each other. Probably too busy making out to notice that the chicken was burning. Probably order take out instead and sip wine in the living room by the fireplace waiting for it to arrive. After dinner just fool around a bit and then go to bed. That was life and that's how I expected it this evening. Except it didn't happen at all that way. Niall and I fought the whole day. And he seemed off. Very nervous. I finally told him to get out and he went to Liam's house. I took a nap. And cooked dinner by myself and then went for a run. It was a bit late. Almost two in the morning. But I had to get the food out. Like i said, if i didn't i couldn't sleep. But the thing is, I never knew I wasn't going to make it back.

The car was a sleek black SUV with bright head lights that made me squint and eventually cover my eyes with my hand. Probably a 2015 Ford something. I was never good with cars. I couldn't see the driver, the darkness combined with the tinted windows provided me with no clue who was in the vehicle. At first I came to a light jog waiting for it to go by, catching my breath. But it never did.

And I wasn't fast enough. It went straight for me and I was a deer caught in the  searing headlights. I rolled over the hood with a thump. There was a sharp, distinctive pain in my head. I hit the ground with a soft thud. I breathed in and out for a short while before I started to feel the blood leave my head. I couldn't move at all. I couldn't even speak. My head throbbed like someone was hitting my temple with a spiked metal bat. The pain was almost unbearable.

I was so cold. Chilled to my aching bones. I started shaking like a madman. Then I felt the tears that I couldn't wipe away. The inevitable tears. And so I lay there dying. I hadn't realized that I was for a few seconds after I started convulsing. I was dying and there was no one here to save me. No one to hold my hand. It was dark. My only light was the dim street lamp flickering. The bulb must be warm. Oh what I'd give to be warm. It didn't matter now. I wouldn't get to grow old or get married. I wouldn't get off this pavement.

Why was god so cruel? Thick liquid pooled around me. Blood was supposed to stay inside of you not come out yet the irony substance blanketed the cement as delicately as snow. Rushing away from where it belonged.

And this is what I thought about.

Oh such frivolous things.