The Art of Being Normal (and Popular) in 10 Easy Steps!

The Art of Being Normal (and popular!!) in 10 Easy Steps! (in no particular order..)

1)    Alter your hair so it’s the opposite of what it is Naturally. Eg. Beautiful long chestnut curls must be dyed bleach-blonde, and beaten into submission with an over-priced hair straightener. The natural look is so overrated.

2)    Never eat. Eating leads to weight gain. Every time you catch yourself glancing at a thick slice of chocolate cake, think of yourself up a whole dress size!!! The thought should rid you of your appetite. Remember: Say no to food!!

3)    Stay up all night long watching re-runs of girly-drama-programs, so you can roll out of bed with that ‘I-was-up-all-night-partying-with-my-hotter-than-you-friends’ look, accompanied by poorly concealed under-eye rings, and the ability to sleep through any class.

4)    A boyfriend is a must have!! Of course, not just any boy from your class will do. You’re definitely better off dating somebody who can catch and throw a ball. brains are so yesterday. No girl from any hit teen movie ever dated a nerd, and neither will you!!

5)    Bitch about your friends. Sure you might be all cuddles and smiles to their faces, but as soon as their backs are turned, show no mercy! Any aspect of their being is fair game for your sharp wit! Eg. ‘Her skirt is like, totally, something my grandma would wear.’

6)    When you’re watching a movie, always be the bitch that won’t stop talking. It doesn’t matter if you’re at the theatre, or a slumber party. Laughing at the not-meant-to-be-funny bits is always really great too. And making rude make-out noises in kiss scenes is a definite win.

7)    Buy stuff! It doesn’t matter that it’s not your money, and it definitely doesn’t matter that you don’t need it! You want it, and that’s all that matters. You might have perfectly good mascara at home, but the one in the shop display increases lash-volume by a whole 2%! Your shopping instinct is reaching into your (or your parents) wallet before you can consider what you’re doing.

8)    Don’t walk. Only average people walk. Practise your catwalk-strut for hours at home. Don’t feel stupid while you’re perfecting the right amount of hip-wiggle, it’ll all be worth it when you’re able to saunter around like you’ve just come straight from the catwalk.

9)    Give in to peer-pressure. Smoking, drinking or anything else. The word ‘No’ never sounds good coming from the mouth of one as popular as you. Forget the consequences. Take on the Nike attitude and Just Do It!

10) Every chance you get, update your facebook status. People love to hear about every aspect of how your day is going. updates should be no less than 30minutes apart. Although if you're near a computer or have your phone handy, every 5minutes or so is a more reasonable time-frame.

Not intended to be taken seriously. Pure saracsm, and a very over-used theme!