''Nine Times Out of Ten I'm In My Feelings..''
Boyfriend. The word that started it all. All consisting of the drama, headaches, teary eyes and sleepless nights. The whole reality of it all sucks, literally. I'm only seventeen years old, but a lot has happened in my life. I'm kind of glad that I went through those things, unless I wouldn't be a strong as I am now. Or so I think.
Currently, my ex boyfriend and I have stopped communicating. We broke up about 2 weeks after our 1 month anniversary, During that relationship I've learned a lot. He was my 3rd boyfriend and less experienced out of them all. I longed for that relationship. Why? Because I had liked him since the 10th grade (when I first met him) It wasn't a serious like to where "oh I have to have him." No. It was a like meaningless crush. But, I put my feelings to the side, because I was in the midst of dating someone else. Anyways, he was a great boy. Someone who never gets in trouble, is very respectful to adults, a goody two shoes, or so I thought. Judging a book by its cover is no relation whatsoever to the pages in his book. It didn't take me nothing but a while to realize that he was nothing like I imagined.
So let's start this journey, from the beginning to where I am now.
Ninth grade, 2014. Of course I was young. I started school off at thirteen years old, didn't know not a lick of street smart. Here I was eager for high school ready to take on the world, because hey after all it is high school right? Wrong. I was the loud girl, always went off on people who rubbed me the wrong way. Just because I was small it didn't mean that you could push me around. Who are you to come in my face and bully me? NOBODY. I didn't play that and my mama taught me better. I had a crush on this boy. He was in every single one of my classes. Funny, tall and dark. Just how I liked them. We argued every day because he thought he knew everything, well he met his match today. Just my luck, our last names both started with an S so, we sat by each other when the teachers put us in alphabetical order. He was a smart kid, but old. Fifteen going on sixteen he was something else. But all of my friends had boyfriends. I LONGED for a boyfriend, to be accepted you know. I tried to switch up my personality. No boy likes a loud girl who knows what she wants. But it didn't work for me, I was too strong of a girl. December rolled around and I got my wish. December 27,2014 I got a boyfriend. He was a bad boy. Tall, light skinned, funny and old as well. He was the light of my eye. I was scared as hell when we first got on the phone. Here I was, Fourteen years old, with a boyfriend. I had just got my first IPhone. We stayed on face time, for hours, we talked and laughed, we got to know each other, and we became the best of friends. He told me things about relationships, even walked me through my first kiss. He was amazing and I started to grow more feelings for him. I thought I was in love, but in reality I didn't know not a damn thing. He was just somebody to occupy my time. February 12 is when we broke up. We started arguing every day. He never understood me, and I started to question myself as if I were the one to blame. Turns out, he had got tired of me, and got a girlfriend two days after we broke up. My heart was shattered and crushed into pieces literally. I cried my eyes out and I just wanted to know why. "I thought we were in love" is what I kept telling myself. I was a good girl, I had everything to offer. I hated myself for a while and then he texted me around what would've been our two month anniversary saying how he missed me and wanted another chance and how he loved me and how he wanted to apologize. Like a jackass I took the bait. I forgave him and we talked more. He was my love, My first love, he gave me happiness and made me smile. Around the summertime was when we started to get serious again. But behind closed doors, he was still seeing his ex-girlfriend. Telling her the same things he told me. 10th grade year had started up and I was super excited. Me and my ex-boyfriend we were talking on and off, mutual friends. We saw each other out of school from time to time. Christmas break, my world came to an end again. December 27, 2015, the day we would've made a year he breaks the news to me that his ex-girlfriend is pregnant, with his child. I hung up immediately and cried. I ran in the bathroom and turned on the heater, vent and the water so no one would hear my screams. It hit me like a ton of bricks, while I cried he called nonstop until I finally answered. He explained to me how she might get an abortion and how they are not together and how he only wants me etc. etc. Think about it. You are fourteen years old and you are going through the same thing your mom went through at twenty years old. It hurts doesn't it? I was by his side through thick and thin, giving him encouraging words, helping him as he prepares to be a father. Yes, it hurt me like hell, but I had to be strong, because I loved him. But, in the middle of everything was my new boo. My second boyfriend and I first started going together in October.....for three days. He hit me with that "oh I'm not ready to be in a relationship" and I went off. I had so much to say and I was clearly hurt. I wanted him to feel my hurt. He knew I had been going on and off with my first boyfriend and he wants to lie to me OK. So after him I started talking to another boy. Just to get my mind off some things. Here I was fifteen years old still in love with my ex who is a father to be talking to another boy. Me and his relationship didn't work out. He cut me off soon after.
