Fallen Trees

Chapter 1

I begin my walk to school.. An hour early, just to escape home, but schools just as bad. Everyday after school I go for a walk in the forest and take in the scenery, nature fascinates me. And I usually tend to stay there until 6 when I start walking back , I tell my mom I'm with my friends , but what she doesnt know.. Is that I have none , typical me.
I'm lonely, an outcast , unwanted , unloved.. And so much more but if I continued id be saying every pessimistic word in the dictionary and would be here for century's.
I hate myself. I hate my life in fact , the amount of times i felt like giving up and ending it all , i just never bring my self to it , i dont have the courage.
Im weak. Frail.
Useless.
I take my mind off all the words I'm thinking by focusing on things around me.
I look at things from different perspectives and angles than what everyone else does, there's more to things than what meets the eye. Much more.
Take for example , a tree.. People would look at That and say 'oh yeah , whatever a tree'
I say otherwise, its filled with life, people just dont see its beauty and grace, its truly unique and beautiful , it has a past , its a home , it provides us things.
But it gets chopped down.
Just.
Like.
me.

A tree growing mighty and high but someone has to ruin and wreck it all , bringing it down
Hacking and soaring at it.
And finally.
It comes falling and falling , with a heavy thump to the earths Floor.
Just.
Like.
Me.
--------------------------------------
I take out my water bottle gently out of my bag and take a small sip , it was a half an hour walk from my house to the school , and that's if i walk fast , so Its fairly tiring , considering I'm not That fit, i do excersise every now and then to keep my body in a healthy state but i wouldn't say i was athletic.
Lets be real here , im more of a couch potato than anything else.
I finally end up at the school , and the school doors are usually open by now. So i decide to walk in and head straight onto the school grounds and Find an isolated bench to sit down on.
I put my long black and slightly tinted red hair back in a high ponytail out of my face.
I sit wondering and contemplating what to do.
I check my watch.
8:05
Still early but only another 35 minutes until school actually starts, so I decide to take out my journal and begin to write in it , I was writing a story about a girl called Signe, who's ends up being roommates with a guy called Sean, and end up falling in love, I have to admit it was turning out to be a very cliché and sappy love story , but i was proud of it and the language I used in it,and especially the storyline. I'd been writing the story for at least 7 months now and it was almost finished , finally. I finished writing a chapter and decided to doodle the two characters together at the bottom of the page since there was a bit of room at the bottom
I almost finished my drawing and looked down at my watch
8:34  , only another 6 minutes..
by now the school is crowded with tons of kids , and I'm an incredibly antisocial person.
I was about to begin my drawing again and finish it off, but not to my surprise It was snatched rather aggressively out of my hand.
Great.
And I ask myself why I'm antisocial?
Great example.
I kept my head bowed until I finally decided to look up after hearing one hysterically laugh.
I could recognise that vile laugh from a mile away.
Tera Niles.
She looked down at me with those cruel familiar eyes
" Aww what you writing , a lovey Dovey story? About a relationship? A relationship youll never be in because nobody loves you , dip shit"
I wanted to stand up for myself and speak, I dont have the courage.
I've never had the courage.
If I did , it'll only end up in a worser position
This tree has all ready fallen.
And theyre  slowly gnawing away at it with an axe , and they plan to cut this tree into tiny tiny pieces until its no longer visible for ones eye to see.
Disintegrated
And at its breaking point.
I cursed at her over and over again , in my head , if only I could get up pin her up against the wall and say it to her face.
But I cant
I'm a hopeless case.
..
Her friends began laughing at my drawing , it made me feel limp , and dead inside , drawing and writing is my passion, and I find peace in mind doing it and hearing someone laugh at it and state That its not good.
It really hurts the soul.
It hurts
It hit right there in my heart.
Maybe I'm not a good drawer, maybe I never will be.

-- flashback--
I rush downstairs ,Ive never felt as giddy in my life as today , 4 weeks I spent on this drawing.
A portrait of my dad , maybe then he will accept me
But a part of me is doubting that
A gut feeling I shouldn't show him the drawing I made for him. I've never been one for self confidence and believing that I do well but for once I was actually proud of something, i was so so proud of it and I worked my socks off.
I finally reached the living room and gently opened the doors  , hoping not to disturb my dad. I slowly walk up to him and tap him in the shoulder
He quickly turned his head round and gave me a pissed off glare
I just gulped and held my picture up in front of him.
He didnt look remotely interested in my drawing , I frowned slightly
"What the fuck is this?!" He barked at me
"I-Its a drawing of ... You , I hope you like it " I replied with a shaky whisper.
He growled and got up quickly
"ITS SHIT , IT LOOKS NOTHING LIKE ME , I RAISED A FUCKING AWFUL CHILD DO YOU REALIZE?! I WOULD'VE PUT YOU IN CARE BY NOW IF IT WASN'T FOR THE CHILD BENEFITS I WAS GETTING , NEXT TIME I SUGGEST YOU DONT SPEAK TO ME AGAIN YOU LITTLE RUNT , I FUCKING HATE YOU AND SO DOES YOUR MOTHER , YOUR DRAWINGS ARE DISGUSTING JUST LIKE YOU!" He shouted at me loudly with distaste , and hit me sending me to the floor.
He picked up my drawing and slowly ripped it in front of me.
I was struck dumb , stiller than a tree on a summers night.
I was hurt
Emotionally
And physically.
Nothing feels worser than expressing something you have a large passion for, and someone knocking you down about it.
In the end he sent me to my room with a stinging smack across my face as it slowly began to bleed slightly down my cheek , and eventually so did tears as I sat on a small stall next to my low window and looked out at the children in happy families and longed to be in a family and life like that , id be great full even if it was only for a day.

-- end flashback--

"Fucktard, what do you call this? Jesus Feckin Christ my three year old cousin can draw better than this" she growled and Threw my book to the floor.
I immediately cringe at her voice
That horrible crackling snarly voice.
My life was all ready bad as it is , and she just has to make things worse, its uncalled for and unnecessary  and if shes trying to make me feel like utter crap shes certainly doing a good job at it.
I can't wait until after school , I can finally walk to the forest , a peaceful escape from an awful reality.
The bell rang.
Guess there really is such a thing as
'Saved by the bell.'