"Run until you can't breathe. Run until you can't see the ground anymore. Run and just keep going," I hear Ana whispering pretty thoughts into my ear. She keeps me motivated, helping me on my way to perfection. The stars are out and the moon makes the damp sidewalk shimmer. I haven't eaten today, and thinking of a negative calorie intake for the day makes me insanely happy.
After running for an hour, I sprint as fast as I can to home in effort to burn even more. Almost fainting, I finally reach my doorstep and silenty unlock the door. My parents would wonder why I was out at 2 o'clock in the morning.
The scale says 102.6; not bad to the average 5"2 girl. I'm not very average though, and that number seems like the hugest quantity imaginable. I started at 109.2, at the very lowest end of my healthy weight. (109-129 is healthy for a 5"2 girl) So far in about 2 months, I've only lost 6.6 pounds. It's so pitiful. I have too many off-weeks that I go overboard and allow food. I'm so sick of myself, but I can't ever seem to stop it.
I lay down in bed and record my calories in myfitnesspal. -288 today. Feeling pretty good, my iPod is placed on the charger and I shut it down.
"No more binging means no more guilt. No more food means less weight. Your gigantic thighs won't be so big anymore. People will notice you finally. You can do this and you know you can. Listen to Ana, she will guide you. Remember. Just remember."
These are my last thoughts as I fall into a beautiful sleep.
