Just One Night (Issei Matsukawa)

Scared

My cell phone chimed, telling me that I'd gotten a text. Sighing, I put down the bowl of ingredients that I'd been stirring and picked up the little device.

It was from my mother, which was a bit surprising. We didn't exactly get along that great... we never really have gotten along. I'd always been what you'd call a rebellious child and rarely did as I was told. Yeah, real shocker, huh?

Shimizu's daughter is pregnant. When am I getting my grandbabies?

I immediately typed back that that was never going to happen. Obviously, that was a lie, as I was currently two months pregnant. I was still sort of in denial about the whole thing though. I was nowhere near ready to be a mother, so I found every possible way that I could to keep myself from thinking about it. Though when drowning your sorrow in alcohol was no longer an option, that became a difficult task.

I know, I know... you're probably thinking "why not get an abortion?" or something along those lines... but I couldn't do that. How could I possibly end the life of such an innocent creature before it could even be born? I don't have the heart... Besides, this was my mistake, so I had to endure the consequences.

I set my phone back down, knowing that it would take some time for her to respond. The woman had learned to text only recently, so she was quite slow at it still. Plus I had the feeling that she was going to give me a lecture about the importance of getting married and having kids before you're thirty...

Returning my attention to my baking, I mixed in the last few ingredients for the cookies. By the time that I was putting the first batch into the oven, my mother still hadn't responded. She must have been working up a really good lecture this time.

In no time at all, the delicious smell of baking cookies had filled the apartment. It was a great smell and I was sure that my roommate would love coming home to such a pleasing scent.

Smiling a little, I turned on some music. It was just an old CD of mine with some of my favorite songs. Love songs, ironically. But even if I disliked being in love or a relationship, songs about love usually made the best songs and I always found myself singing along and sometimes even dancing.

"I should have guessed you'd be the dancing type," I heard Matsukawa's voice say, announcing his arrival. Turning around, I saw him standing there, leaning against the wall.

We'd been living together for a month already, but we didn't usually spend much time together. It's not that I didn't like him or anything... I just didn't want to get close to him. The only reason we'd even agreed to live together in the first place was for the baby's sake. Neither of us had any intentions of being with the other... or that's what I assumed.

A slow song began to play and he stepped forward, holding out his hand to me. "Dance with me?" he asked, a slight grin on his face.

"That's a bit forward of you," I said, eying him suspiciously. If he was thinking of making a move on me, I wasn't about to fall for it. I'm not so easy when I'm sober... even if I haven't had sex for about two months.

"Your loss." Matsukawa shrugged. "I just thought you might like a dancing buddy. Plus if Makki and his girl get married, we'll be needing the practice."

As much as I would have liked to, I couldn't argue his logic. So what did I do? I stepped forward and took his hand. No point wasting an opportunity for a little fun between friends.

Our movements were slow and a bit clumsy at first, but soon we adjusted to each other and were moving across the floor. "I never thought you'd be much of a dancer," I teased. The kitchen was a bit small for this kind of thing, but we had enough room for our little slow dance.

"What? Can't a guy be romantic when he wants to?"

That was a good point, one that I didn't bother to argue. Instead, I just let myself get lost in the moment. Just because I didn't want a relationship, it didn't mean I couldn't enjoy a romantic moment once in a while.

The song slowed and as it did, so did our movements. Matsukawa's arms stayed around me though, even as the song came to its end. There was a certain warmth in the air around us, one that drew us in and pulled us closer... Closer and closer, until there was barely a centimeter between our lips. He leaned in and then-

Beep.

I backed away quickly and proceeded to act as if we hadn't almost kissed. It's not like it would have meant anything anyway. It might have lead to sex, but it would be just as it was the first time: no romantic attachment.

Ignoring my roommate, I picked up my cell phone. As expected, there was my mother's little lecture. However, it wasn't as creative as I'd thought it would be. In fact, it was only about a sentence or two long.

"You didn't tell her?" Matsukawa said in surprise as he read the texts over my shoulder. That was a bad thing to do. A man should always respect a woman's privacy. "Your own mother?"

"Don't..." I said in a warning tone. I didn't want to think about the little thing growing inside of me right now. Sure, I had to accept it sooner or later, but not yet. And I sure as hell didn't want to go around telling everyone about it! Just thinking about it right now was making me start to tear up.

Unfortunately, he didn't look like he was going to just drop it. "Kazumi, you can't just-"

"Issei Matsukawa, you shut up right now!" Had it not sounded like I was about to cry, I probably could have made it sound a lot more intimidating. But I suppose that it was effective either way.

My name leaves his lips in a shocked whisper, but I pay no attention to anything he says. The wall that had been holding it all back had broken. All I could do was let him pull me into his arms and hold me as I cried and let it all out.

"I'm scared..." I sobbed, gripping his t-shirt tightly. Never in my life had I ever been so scared. Nothing in the world terrified me as much as this... I wasn't ready for this... I didn't want to be a mom. "I'm so scared!"

Matsukawa said nothing but gentle and soothing words; promises that everything would be okay and that he'd be there through it all, even if he himself wasn't ready.