My Reminisce, My Nostalgia, My Past, My Pain...

Elysium

Elysium; known to be at perfect happiness in the state of mind. Why if it exist, is it so
hard to find? I want to know what it feels like to be happy, without needing the feel to
cry. If tears of joy are made with a smile, then how come tears of pain still reflect in my
eye? It is not right to see you suffer, nor is it right for you to see, I. I want look fear in
the face and finally say goodbye. I want to find my pure state of being. Happy and
free. I want to find my Elysium where I can be me. There’s a certain negativity at the
root to Weaken my cause, but that only Built my Determination and built my soul
strong. But Who’s the aggressor, who prefers Themselves exposed to anger, hate, and agony.
Maybe that’s me blocking out the Insanity I had in me. I can see you don’t like
monsters, I am human so I’m Just Like You. If another is to be portrayed as one, as innocent
as can be, then we are better than who? If my mistakes make me a monster than so be it,
but you are no better than me. If you take me as being wrong than stick with your philosophy.
A Burning soul on fire, an ember brought back into flames. Wanting to find happiness
buried in the heat of a feverish mind and soul, of someone who longs to hear their
name. Lost in a labyrinth of conflict not knowing which way to go. If I could find the
core of a single Soul, I can make it know it’s way to make it find warmth. Please let
me rest. Please let me lay down this weight upon my chest and let my body rid of this
distress. Is having my type of mentality crime? Wanting to free myself of a horrific state
and to find an ethereal beauty for a mind? But being happy isn’t everything that I want. I
want my family healthy even the monster that gave me the physical start. I dream of the
amalgamation of the longing for Elysium and pure reminisce. So the two conjoined
together leave me a thought process of anamnesis. What makes it a bad a thing to want
to get rid of fear? If it’s all mental, then my mind isn’t functioning clear.
I cannot accept this negativity that has been placed Upon me. Nor will I accept you to
do it and never again you ever will. I will never forget anything that has effected my
life. Positivity motions forward, negativity sits still. I can’t think to image that happiness
doesn't exist. If happiness did not matter, than what did? A hostile environment known to
be life, the game we all play. The only way to win is to die. Yet we have only begun,
so there is no reset in my eyes. I’m not ready to face death but I am ready to face
fear. I refuse to let fear become adroit to any part of my actions, while pain takes part
in this nightmare of fractions. If I show my true insanity, who would try to handle me?
Is being the offspring of a monster what I really had in me? When you live for
someone you’re always prepared to die. And just because you’ve never fought before ,
doesn’t mean you’re not prepared to try. My happiness goes to my family first, and I
can go last. Because if I don’t cherish their well being, a life time can go fast. But I
will be happy, and I will live on. I Will not give up hope, lose determination, I will
stay strong. I don’t see all bad in the world, but I see it’s fair share of hate. I will
never give up on my dreams, I am going to keep faith. If I am a monster, or a human
to some may see. I refuse to live in pandemonium and insanity. I don’t care about myself
or who hates me or who wants me gone. My soul is determination, my soul stands strong.
One day it’ll happen, yes it will come. My family will be happy, I will find Elysium.