HER STORY

My Story

      Two years ago there sat a girl on a closed toilet holding 20 acetaminophen tablets in her palm. Familiarly known as  Tylenol. The pain of her interior conscience eating her alive inside and out. Slowly raising 3 of the tablets to her mouth she flashback to all that had happened. 

       She swallows the pills one by one with a small sip of water. Tears raced down her cheeks because she was scared and knew this was wrong. The little monster inside that she had created screamed at her to take them all. Nervously glancing at the door she moved to her bedroom and hid them behind her bed. She went to downstairs to announce she was retiring to bed for the night. While in reality she was only going to fulfill her mind's guilty plan. Eager to finish she split the rest into two piles and took them. It's a miracle she made it throughout the night. But only because she felt guilty and decided to make worse and gag her self releasing all that had been stored in her body for the past 12hours into the porcelain devil she had found her self looking at many times before. 

         How did she get here? What was she doing? Why? Don't you think she was asking the same things?  How could a straight A,  great Athlete be degraded to this? She looked at all the other girls and saw beauty and popularity.  But when she looked at her self she felt disgusted and annoyed.  Blaming herself for the death of her greatest role model, her uncle, and the cancer of her grandma. And not to forget the small baby boy growing inside her 16 year old sister. She felt worthless that she had caused all the misfortune on her family. Her self esteem fell to the ground.

        While she secretly sought after someone to love her and call her beautiful after grieving all her pain. She fell into the trap of many other teenage girls. She was someone's virtual sext slave. He trapped her into sending naked pictures. He called a slut, a hoe, a hore, and other filthy morbid names. He called her beautiful and that's all she needed. Then one day she was found out by her parents and had all internet privileges taken away and that's when it took a turn. 

         She started to cut and to gag herself. Once a week. Although only actually cutting deep enough to scar once. It was all not okay. She lied through her teeth and told everyone it was all okay. Her counselor didn't even know. They tried to say she was suicidal and depressed. She wouldn't except it until it all was over. Her mirror became her worse nightmare. 

       The bullies eventually came and started to tell her she was worthless and going to turn out like all the rest of her family, pregnant before marriage. Walking on the complete other side of the hall because she wasn't "sterile". She has never even kissed a guy even to this day.  She hid away in her room. And only came out occasionally. She was completely broken . 

       Eventually a second suicidal night came.  She sat on her window still for 10minutes debating the jump. That was also the first time she actually cut deep enough for it to bleed. Finally giving up she told her best friend.  That friend proceeded to tell her mom. Her mom was called at 11:30 that night with he best friend's mom in tears because they didn't know what was going to happen to her. Three weeks later she started going to a counselor. Immediately the counselor said she had depression and was so happy she hadn't hurt herself. 

       She saw the counselor 2 years before she was even partly healed.  The girl switched schools and begun going to a christian school. She rededicated her life to God and began to live solely for him. When she feels like she's relapsing she trust in him.  She finally stood up to the guy using her for nudes and stopped talking to him completely.  She lost all connection from the people of her old school.  She found hope in her new life. She was accepted and not  pointed out of all her flaws. She can now look at those who made fun of her and laugh in their faces. She has overcame it.  

       If your reading this and have related to this girl at all during her testimony. Just remember:

1. There is hope for you. God has a plan. He isn't willing to let one of his sheep go astray. He loves you and he forever love you.        1Peter 2:25

2.No one can control you. Maybe you are trapped in a sexual relationship and are getting forced into it. There is going to be an escape for you. He has a plan. Show courage when your oppressor is fighting you. Maybe you are trapped by your own mind. Fight it. Romans 7:22-25

3. We love you. You are loved by your whole christian family. Your home life may be a mess or you are blind of the love. You have an amazing guy who loves you more than you'll ever fathom. His love goes on even past the end of the earth. We may never meet but let me just say I Love You. We all love you.                   1 Thessalonians 3 :12

     I am the girl in the story. I am now 14 years old and fully devoted to God. I started playing basketball, volleyball, and softball. And have not once gone back to my past way. Yes I've had days where I look back and wonder if I tried that again, but I will never dare to because I now realize I don't need too. I have God. I am a child of god. "He will never leave me nor forsake me." He with me for the long run and so are all of us christians for you. Remember that you are beautiful and precious. You are more important the latest styles or most famous celebrity. Scarlet Johansson and Jennifer lopez don't even compare to the beauty you have. You have a spiritual beauty that just needs to be expressed. I love you and will be praying.  God Bless you. And please Be Strong And Courageous.