Like Shards Of Glass (A Louis Tomlinson fan fiction)

Prologue

Prologue

            I couldn’t breathe. It physically hurt to draw in a breath; to expand my lungs. Every breath I made felt as if I was going to die. I wouldn’t die though. No, I wouldn’t die.

            The emptiness I felt in my body was something I wanted; no, needed to go away. That wouldn’t happen of course. The feeling of being empty was the only thing I was familiar with now, and I wasn’t sure if that feeling would ever be replaced with something different.

            There was a weight on my chest; a cover over my mind. My thoughts were shrouded with nothing but dark, looming shadows, beings that possessed my heart and soul. I wasn’t dark, I was anything but. Usually I was genuinely happy, but the thoughts that swirled through my head ought to be illegal. No, they weren’t the thoughts of murdering someone. They were the thoughts of what was wrong with me. The thoughts of how I was to get rid of myself. The ideas on how to remove myself from this world were what possessed my mind.  

            It wasn’t like I wanted to think these things. In fact, I had been trying to stop for quite some time, but nothing was working. I never told anyone about how I was feeling. I didn’t want to be a burden. But now, with these thoughts, I wish I had. I wish I had stopped and thought about the impact I had on the world; how many people would miss me.

            Would people miss me?

            I shook my head, gazing out over the water below me. I stood on the ledge of the bridge, the railing pressed against my back. The night was black, and fog was beginning to roll in from the banks of the river. I didn’t have much time before I wouldn’t see what was below me.

            Should I do this?

            Again, I shook my head, cursing myself for even once having thoughts of backing out. No one would notice my being gone. No one would know or care for that matter.

            Yes they would, you pop star. The whole world would notice you being gone. Either go through with it, or back out like a coward.

            Ah, the voices were back at it. It would be cowardly of me to back out, don’t you think? Yeah, it would be cowardly. I looked down again and gulped. It was quite a drop from here. I knew from where I was standing there would be rocks beneath me, as the water was quite shallow here.

            But should I really go through with this? Wouldn’t the lads miss me? What about my family? My fans? Would anyone genuinely miss me?

            No. No one would miss me. So what was holding me back from taking the leap to my death? What could possibly be holding me back?

            Maybe tonight just wasn’t the night. Maybe I needed to live a little longer and see if there was something worth living for. I nodded my head, agreeing with my thoughts. I turned and pulled myself back over onto the safe side of the railing. Before I left, I gazed at the water, knowing at the moment I was leaving my escape from this dark world behind, only because I had a hunch there was something worth living for out there. I didn’t know what it was, but I assumed I would find it one day. It needed to be soon though, as I wasn’t going to be around much longer. I walked away, heading back to my flat, where I knew I could drink away the pain. As I walked away, there was still one thought that lingered in my mind.

            You’re a coward.