Dawn in Vancouver

Prologue

I didn't want him to touch me. I didn't want to feel his hands on my body again. What did I ever do to deserve such contempt? What did I ever do to make him look at me with such resentment? His hands are no longer tender, his kisses are no longer loving. What does he want from me?

I feel like my life has turned into a dead end. The life that I imagined I would live beside him isn't more than just a mirage reflected against a reality in which I never imagined myself living. I don't want to live this life. I don't want to see myself in the mirror and not recognize the woman I have become.

Who am I really? Am I the woman that writes bestsellers or am I the woman who is being cheated on with multiple women by her husband? Jason doesn't love me anymore, he hates me, and I no longer want to keep living a lie created just for illusion and convenience. I think having come to Canada will help nothing at all. I don't want to pretend in front of these people who so kindly opened the doors to their home for us. I don't want to pretend in front of Lauren Jauregui and her husband that I have the perfect marriage.

My marriage is far from that. Lauren and her husband get along so well, they love each other so dearly, and Jason and I are just strangers who share the same house and the same bed. I don't know if I can pretend to be the loving wife I once was. I don't want to keep being something I really am not. Jason doesn't love me anymore, and my heart, that once loved him, is so damaged that it can no longer feel love. I just want to get lost in the beauty of this landscape and forget. I'm in Canada, with Lauren Jauregui, the best pianist and singer of the decade. Wake up, woman!

If three weeks ago you would have told me that I would be in the same room as Lauren Jauregui, I wouldn't have thought it possible, and much less that I would be invited to her house in Vancouver for three months. She's one of the singers that I have admired most and just having her close is nerve-racking. I must have looked like such a fool while I talked to her and stuttered like a teenager. But I couldn't help but feel a wave of nervousness flow through my entire body as I saw her smile and beautiful eyes.

The first thing that came to mind after seeing Lauren for the first time was a passage from my latest book that I have yet to finish, "Dawn in Vancouver". The story of love and pain of a couple that, due to a twist of fate, cannot be together. It reminded me of the exact moment in which Pierre, my protagonist, meets Rachel, who would become the love of his life, and gets lost in her eyes.

"They're eyes that are able to see right through to your soul as they connect to yours. Green eyes, mysterious and fascinating that make you want to discover what's hidden behind that ever so intelligent and beautiful gaze. If you kept looking at me that way I could never feel gloomy, I would feel brave and confident. Able to do anything just to admire you again, my love. In your eyes I got lost and I didn't want to find the way out of the labyrinth of your orbs.

I hate it when you sleep, because that means that wonderful gaze is going to have to be shut for a few hours and deprive the world of delighting in the color of the beauty. I am your faithful slave, capable of crossing oceans and wars just for you to look at me again. I'm just a man that declares himself a slave before your eyes and your beauty. Never set me free from this marvelous torment. Bind me to you forever and let me admire you eternally. It doesn't matter how unattainable you are. You are a princess and I am a simple servant. But this simple servant would break down walls for you, endure anything for you. For the green in your eyes, your magical green eyes".

"For your magical green eyes". Lauren had that gaze. Eyes that I could never forget. Talented eyes of an excellent pianist, sweet eyes of a magnificent woman. Eyes that anybody could be a slave for. I could be slave to those eyes. Unconsciously I already am.

I am going to ignore Jason and simply let go by the beautiful dawns of this place. The inspiration to finish my book. I don't want to let my life with Jason overshadow how beautiful it is to be here, surrounded by nature and finding peace in the sound of the breeze drifting through the trees and the small creatures that awake at dawn to start their day. I don't want to overshadow anything, most of all, the amazing company I will have with me.

I will forget everything and be free. Even though after three months I go back to my conviction and slavery in a life that I have to make believe is mine when I don't want it anymore. I will enjoy this vacation as much as I can, and maybe, with the passing of time, my mind can unwind and my heart can start to heal back up. We cannot guess what the future will bring, the only thing I do is pray, pray so my future is much better than my present and hope that in that future perhaps I finally find happiness and fill that part of me that is so vacant in spite of success. I just want to be happy, but many times it seems happiness was not made for me.