Chasing Freedom (Book 2)

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Things I Would've Said (Skylar)

Chapter Twenty-Three: The Things I Would've Said (SKYLAR)

Cole and I stayed in Katherine's house for four weeks; a month spent surrounded by books with so many meaningless words and falling asleep on tables, and waking up to him literally shaking me back to reality.

After learning that Malum was alive and in The City of Lost Souls, I couldn't ignore the burning feeling in the pit of my stomach that my father was everywhere, waiting for the perfect moment to come after me; that we were no longer safe no matter where we went, that the only shot I was gonna get in getting out of the city was in death itself.

Every noise I heard or thud Cole made or heavy footstep walking down the hallway made my pulse quicken and I couldn't turn my shoulder without fearing that my father was always going to be right there behind me.

Days were filled with anxiety and panic attacks (that didn't get easier over time), nights were spent with wide eyes, and I didn't even find peace in my sleep because every time I closed my eyes, it was like Malum was there, haunting me.

Every dream turned into a nightmare, every vision turned into a flashback of the day he died, and Cole-on more than one occasion-had to figuratively shake him right out of me.

I was so afraid that I couldn't even sleep, and when I did, I awoke choking and screaming and rubbing the imaginary blood off my body.

Although he seriously freaked out every time I shut my eyes, he seemed to think that it'd become an obsession of mine, that I was doing it to myself, solely because he believed that if Malum really was alive, he would have already found us by now.

But what he didn't know was that In Libro Caeli was never wrong; not in my lifetime, and not in anyone else's.

My father was alive. I could feel it in my bones, in the deepest, darkest parts of me.

So instead of dealing with my plaguing fear, I spent every hour we were in Katherine's house-which had somewhat become partly our own-in her library, searching for something that would tell me different from what I already knew.

But nothing did.

The only thing that seemed to helped my never-ending fear was thoughts of Derek, but even that couldn't cure my sleepless nights.

I think Cole knew to a certain degree that I found peace in talking about Derek, because he had stopped calling me a lovesick, cliché book-written teenager everytime I mentioned his name.

Instead, he allowed me to relish in old memories, and sometimes joined in on sharing his own.

I'm pulled from my thoughts when I hear the front door bang shut, causing me to jump in my seat. My palms start to sweat as the noises grow closer and but I push it away.

I was so fearless before, even when I had so much more to lose. Now it seemed as if I didn't really have anything left; anything that I could really lose, other than Cole.

Sometimes I found that living the way he did was so much easier; it seemed as if he wasn't afraid of anything, that there was no one and nothing that could stop him from doing the things he wanted to do.

But then I shut down those thoughts because I know the only reason Cole is the way he is, is because of his darkness.

He was raised to be cold and emotionless, and despite his immortality, he's still only human. He's capable of being hurt and even if he isn't afraid of death or life or people, the one thing that was more dangerous than all those things, was the fear of getting hurt.