Through my eyes

Agony part three

A few days after I was taken, from my school library.
I haven't eaten and I only got along with one of the girl clients. Her name was Kiki, I know I mentioned her in the beginning. But she was the most precious friend that I could have ever asked for, even in that hell.
I was supposed to go back to school but I didn't feel well.

My heart hurt, I couldn't call home. I was crying hard in the door way of my shared room. I was told to shut up by staff. At that point I understood that I was on my own. I climbed the bunk bed that I was assigned. Got under the covers and snuggled my blanked from home and my stuffed animals. I kept breathing in the scent that reminded me of home smoke.

Smoke my parents smoke, over time it embedded its self into my stuffed animals and blankets. But it didn't help all that much. I sank into a deep depression. I soon fell asleep and woke up after dinner. Alison a staff who I later came to hate sat in front of my room on her phone.

It hurt everyday to wake up and find I wasn't in my own room. Later on in the future when I got home my attitude changed. I became distant I wouldn't even let my family touch me. And even as I'm writing this I still don't let my family touch me. I soon started cutting and I still do.

Some days I don't feel anything physically, emotionally and mentally. My family's a reck both parents are unemployed. My brother never leaves his room. My brother is nineteen and has graduated high school at eighteen. He has no job and isn't going to college.

I use the example of my family and tell myself I'll never be like them. I made a vow I'll never drink, I'll never cheat, I'll never smoke, I'll never do drugs and I won't pretend to be something I'm not. I'll always be myself no matter what.
I made a promise to never cry or show any sign of weakness. I now suffer of schizophrenia, post traumatic stress disorder, depression and anorexia.