coffee stains [COMPLETED]

wednesday, november sixteenth

tw: r.ape, self hate, abuse

dear vic,
i didn't go to the coffee shop today. i was scared of going outside. the voices were taking control and it didn't feel like me anymore. this happened once before, i dated a guy named justin. he treated me horribly. at first, i was happy. then he got smart. after he knew i wasn't leaving, he started acting out. some nights, he'd be drunk, some nights, he'd be sober. he would abuse me. mentally, physically and sexually. but me, being an idiot/hopeless romantic, i stayed. i truly believed i could fix him. the first time he did it, he told me he'd never do it again. boy, was i stupid for believing him. i hope you're not like him, victor. please don't be like him. i've only spoken to you twice and you haven't hurt me yet. then again, it took justin three months to become himself. i think the voices are justin, hiding somewhere close, whispering things he previously yelled at me before. my therapist thinks the voices are just repressed hatred for myself. but she's wrong. i don't hate myself, i'm just upset i let it get too far. i don't know, vic.
                                     will s.