Friends With Benefits

11

justing pov

I woke up the next morning with Mack's body entangled with mine. Her head on my chest, arm around my stomach and one of her legs laying between mine. I couldn't have felt more content with life. I loved this girl more then I could possibly ever say. I lay there deep in thought about what life would be like if we were to get married. Soon enough Mack's eyes flutter open and meet mine. She smiles shyly at me as if she's flustered by the state we are in. She reaches her hand up to run it through my hair and kisses the side of my mouth. I watch her carefully, taking in her every action. She's so curious of my body and I love that. I never thought I'd love someone as much as I loved Selena and here I am with the most gorgeous girl laying at my side. I can't seem to find the words to say how deep my love is for her. I start to worry that my actions aren't enough. I can't imagine losing someone as precious as Mackenzie, the thought haunts me. 

"What are you thinking about?" Mackenzie says pulling me out of my thoughts. She looks so radiantly beautiful, that I can't seem to take my eyes off her. 

"You." I continue to look at her. Everything about this woman drives me absolutely crazy in the best way possible. She blushes and reaches her head up to kiss me. I meet her lips and allow mine to linger upon hers. I snort a quiet laugh at her blush and find it to be the cutest thing about her. 

"I want to stay like this forever. With you." she says just below a whisper. I almost thought I was imagining her say it because it was spoken so low. I gaze over her facial features. The most perfect, kissable lips, the cutest button nose, beautiful, lively eyes. I grab her by the chin and forcefully kiss her. Taking her by surprise, she smiles through the kiss causing me to do the same. 

We lay there for a while longer before deciding to get up. I watch her walk to the bathroom, he perfect, naked body. I loved that she felt so comfortable and content in our relationship to walk around the way she is without feeling the least bit insecure. I smile to myself before grabbing my phone to check my emails. 

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We walk downstairs together and find no sign of Erin. I decide to make pancakes for us since Erin is not here to do so. I gather the ingredients as Mack sits upon the countertop. I can't help but imagine that this is what it would be like everyday if she lived with me. The thought makes me sad because I know she doesn't feel ready to make that commitment. I try to push the thought away but it continue to unravel in my mind. Soon without even thinking, I blurt out, "This is what it could be like all the time if you lived with me." I was stunned that the words had actually just come out of my mouth. At the same time, I was also I little relieved because this thought had been weighing on my chest for so long. 

I don't dare look at Mack, for fear of what her expression may be. I continue what I'm doing, but it becomes apparent that I don't even feel Mack's presence. I turn around and an empty countertop. I glance around the room and stop as I stare out of the window. I see her sitting on the steps of her porch, looking out to the sea beyond. I can only imagine whats going through her head. I finish making breakfast and bring the food outside to set on the table. I walk over to where she is sitting and sit behind her with my legs on either side of her. I rest my chin on the nook between her shoulder and neck. I wrap my arms around her securely as if I have to protect her from whatever she is fearing right now. We both don't say anything, we sit and sit and sit. Soon enough, Mack begins to shift, motioning for me to get up. 

We sit and eat our breakfast in silence. Theres no tension, just a comfortable silence. I start to become antsy. I want to know how she feels, what her thoughts are. She looks expressionless, like she doesn't even know what she feels. I see we are both done and get up to clear the table. Mack doesn't move and I don't expect her to. I don't bother to do the dishes, I want to spend this time with Mack. I walk back out to the porch and she is still sitting in the same position looking deep in thought. I put my hand out for her to grab. I sit back down in my seat and pull her into my lap. 

"What are you thinking Mack?" Im anxious but I don't press her because I don't want her to get frustrated and shut me out. 

"I love you. This is hard." I nod my head for fear that if I say anything it might set her off. 

"I love you too." I whisper into her neck before leaving soft and subtle kissed along it. 

"I'm afraid. I'm afraid you might get tired of me and want me gone but won't say it." She stammers and speaks quickly, nervously. I realize this is more then just her moving in with me. This is about Luke. He hurt her, damaged my princess. I look into her eyes in search of something hopefully other than fear, but thats all I see. I kiss her, its the only thing I can think to do. I pull my thoughts together and finally spoke.

"I'm afraid too. You are my person, the one I'm destined to be with. I'm afraid I won't be able to give you what you need. I fear that I can't do that now and I fear that I won't be able to provide all the love and attention you deserve. But Mackenzie, I want to risk that. I want to fight with you. I want to laugh with you. I want to make love to you. I want you, I love you." I clasp her head in my hands and look deep into her eyes. I can see she's holding back tears, I don't want to make her cry. I want her to be mine for eternity. I kiss her, and again. 

She places her arms around my shoulders. Her lips meet my jawbone. Her kisses wet yet soft. Theres nothing I love more than the feeling of her lips on my skin. 

"Justin," She says pulling me out of a beautiful day dream. "I want you too. I love you too." I look in search of a deeper meaning. 

She looks down then out to the ocean. Like she's contemplating whether to tell me vital information or keep it to herself. 

"I'll come with you. I'll come home with you."