Dream

I hate you, Go die in a black hole, Why do you even live you are a worthless piece of poo. These are the thoughts that run through my head day in day out. Suicide, Cutting, Not eating every little thought has gone through and yet no one knows that. 

My parents are downstairs currently talking to my little brother, Max his name is, The happiest little 10 year  old anyone could meet. I wish i was like him, carefree, Happy loving life, but that doesn't work for me. 

My kind of life style is Wake up go to school, Get out of school as soon as possible. Sounds pretty normal here huh? Not exactly. Well after that i go straight to my room and there my most happiest most saddest thing is sitting on the bed. My laptop. 

My life is practically on the internet. But not everything ends exactly well. People usually disobey my trust so i never share anything on the internet anymore. I wouldn't dare. Not after the incident. The time in my life were no one would or could understand. where the depression started but never ended. Where the cuts would start at one end of my wrist and finish on the other, but yet copy themselves all the way up my arm and all around.

You may ask, why do such a thing. But people would Call me names, Share my photos, make fun of me, But it didn't stop there, That was the beginning. Those pictures were spread across the whole school, that's when the true names started. Slut, faggot, Whore Fishy, Hairy. I didn't understand for the first week why this was happening until that Thursday the pictures were stuck up in every classroom, every door, every corridor there was, it never ended.

The friends i thought i had, disappeared.

The teachers that were 'meant' to be there, Went.

Yet my parents were the only ones who said it would get better, Yet they don't know i cut, they don't know i cry myself to sleep, All they know is that i was depressed for about 3 month, i decided to make them believe i was okay, because i dind't want to go into counseling, i didn't want to go to a mad house. I wanted to be in my room, Online or Sleep all day, and that is what i do and have done for the past 4 month, yes this has gone on for 7 month but it all began in 2012, April 23rd, The day i met someone, the boy who i thought understood me, who let me express myself and he wouldn't judge me, i thought i was safe but it was all too good to be true. It was someone from my school.

I was so foolish, So Naive. I didn't understand, And neither did he until it all went wrong for him, were everyone bullied him an all for doing this to me. though no one cares about me, they think i have no feelings they think i take all this and let it go, they don't understand what happens when i get home, when i enter my room and go into my draw and feel the tears well up in my eyes, They don't see what i do, They think all this "Depression" is something you only see in the movies, yet i am here living it in a reality, Wishing it was a Dream.