Ever wondered why the word ex sounds alarmingly like the letter X. Because it is wrong. Everything about it is wrong. – Said by: me
I think there has to always be this thing about exes. You cannot just be friends. Being friends with your ex is a myth. If you are still friends with your ex it only can mean one of two things. Either you never loved them, or you never stopped loving them. Exes have a tendency to haunt you. Especially if they are still in touch with you. Of course, you can move on, you can fall in love with someone else and you can forget all about them, but that is until a single thought, a single memory of theirs creeps up. Once they occupy that space in your mind, then you really have no space to run. If this is not treated properly, it can create actual havoc in people's lives. This is a genuine serious problem and it can come in between all your thoughts, it can mess up all your future relationships and it can even take away your sanity.
I had an ex. Who am I kidding I have had many. But this particular guy is the only one who still tries to keep contact with me. I don't want to, but of course, I can't say that to him. In most of my past relationships, my exes have just grown away with maybe a random hi or hello or a greeting on Christmas. But that's fine. That is manageable. The problem is when they want to text every day. The problem is when they still remind you anniversaries and surprise you for anniversaries.
I mean it was hard enough for me to break up with you once. Do I have to do it again and again till you get the point? How many times can you break someone's heart? How many times can you go through that kind of rollercoaster? Still, I reply. I feel I am doing him a favor, and I feel I can get away with it. I talk to my boyfriend, Adrian. I tell him about it. I tell him I talk to my ex still and he understands. But till when. I mean I am in a relationship with this guy now. Till when will he understand? Will there ever come a point when my boyfriend makes me choose, gives me an ultimatum.
I dread such a day. I dread exes. When I speak to my ex, try to bring up Adrian as many times as I can but to no avail. He just does not care. In a way, I feel he still hopes everything will be okay between us? I have tried beyond my capacity to tell him that it is not possible but in vain. I hastily type a sour face. He immediately apologizes like he did something wrong. I try to say sorry and try to console him. "I miss you loads," he says. I pause. Why and when and how did it become like this. Or had it always been like this. Maybe this break up was never a break up for him. Maybe, he had always hoped.
I carefully choose my words. I try to think o Adrian reading this. Not that he will, but if he does, what would he think of this. "I know you do," I slowly respond. I have made my decision. I had made the decision more than half a year ago when I decided I would not be with him. That's it?" he says. I know he expects more. I know he expects me to say that I miss him too but I don't and I don't want to lie. Now this is the kind of lie I would never say.
"I'm busy at work." I say. I don't want to make him feel like I am ignoring him, while ignoring him. I don't know if what I am doing is even right, How would I feel if Adrian was like this with his ex. I know, I would feel like he was not saying anything to her but was leading her on.
XX writing something really twisted yet sensitive. Please tell me what you think XX
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