Confidence is blessing

Chapter 1

I walk into my school with my headphones on. I look around for my group of friends and I see Ginel talking to my sister Stephanie. I walk over to them taking out my headphones.
"Morning queen," She laughed and embraced me in a hug.
"Hey queen... oh are you wearing the shirt?" I zip down my jacket as she sips down hers.
"Ok yas..." I look down at my black shirt with queen written in gold on it. "You slay bitch."
She laughs at me and rolls her eyes.
"Stephanie," Someone calls my sister over but I don't bother to look back and she walks away.
Ginel pulls me over, "have you talked to him yet...?"
I feel my heart sink into my stomach as I remember who she is talking about. "No I didn't"
"Why don't you want to talk to him again?"
"Yes of course I do he was my best friend..."
"And secret crush..." she whispers under her breath.
"Yes and that... but I'm going to today... I promise," I pull my phone out of my pocket cause it was vibrating in my pocket.
" Hello?"
"Harley?"
"Yes who is this"
"Caleb!"
"Oh my god hey bitch!"
I take the phone off my ear and tell Ginel who it is and she immediately grabs the phone from me and starts talking to him. I grab her arm when the gates open a second later then take my phone back.
"Caleb we are at school, and you know how it is here, I will call you later ok?"
"Yeah sure, but I need to tell you some stuff ASAP."
"Ok got it, bye girl."
I hang the phone up and smile. "Want to get breakfast?" Ginel nods and we go into breakfast.
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We finish a couple minutes later about to head up to class before we see Rachel and Ashley. I run up to Ashley and hug her. "Ginel and I, are heading up to class... you guys coming?" They both nodded and we walked up to class.
Of course as soon as I got there I saw the one person I wish I could just say hi to normally again, but I can't. I walk by and just ignore the fact that I'm screaming internally. I planned to talk to him but I needed to talk to Josh first.
As soon of I think of it she walks through the door.
"Josh..." I loudly whisper. "Come here," she comes over and puts her stuff down.
"What?"
"I'm going to do it now."
"Right now?"
"Yes... ok no... I mean I can do it when we are switching..." she nods her heads and brings out her book.
I sit a couple seats away from her taking out mine and as soon as I do.
"Goodbye!" My teacher yells and I put everything away and I walk
behind Jordan my heart pounding and I can feel it in my throat.
"Jordan," I tap his shoulder. "I want to be able to talk again and be friends with you if that's ok, but start from the beginning..."
He just nodded and walked away, which I did the same.
I think about what I said replaying the words in my head over and over again. Walking to my class, "Did you do it?" Josh just straight out asked me when I walked in, tears welling up in my eyes.
"Yes... and I'm going to cry..."
"Why...?"
I shake my head and walk away from her and go to the bathroom, crying my eyes out. I know it won't be the same again... so why did I try to change it? Why did I think someone like me could ever be his friend again...? Even though I miss him...he may not even close to miss me.