Lucifer
Surprisingly, I stayed clean. Against every single thought I had and every particle in my being, I didn't cut.
The next few days in school were weird. Whenever Micheal got in the vicinity of me, my heart began to beat faster and I felt sick. Whenever I looked at his stupid messy hair or his bright green eyes I felt this whole in the pit of my stomach where butterflies seemed to flow into.
I didn't know what this meant, and at the time I wasn't sure I wanted to.
I was in English, one of the only classes I had with Micheal. He was in the back, chatting with all his old friends like it was nothing. Like it had no effect on them that he totally abandonded them. And that made me fucking angry.
The more I listened to their chatter the more infuriated I became, until it was too much to handle.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I screamed, picking up my desk and hurling it at the back wall.
It hit a boy, it hit him hard. He started bleeding. I was dragged to the office by Mrs. Harvelle and sent straight to Mr. Singer's office, where he called Chuck.
"Lucifer! What the hell?" Chuck asked, pulling me down into a hug.
"I was angry," I stated numbly.
Chuck sighed, pulling me to the car.
After a while of silence, Chuck asked the winning question.
"Do you need to go back on your meds?"
"Ah, there's the ticket!" I laughed sarcastically.
Chuck gave me a stern look.
"I'm serious."
"Remember what happened last time? Are you sure you want me to go on them again?" I seethed.
The last time I went on my meds, I tried to O.D. I took every pill I had, from depression to anger management. It didn't work though, Chuck got to me before I could finish the job. I wish I had though, maybe wherever I'd end up would be better than my life now.
"Are you going to overdose?"
I hesitated. "I don't know."
"Well, I trust that you aren't going to make any stupid decisions. You're going back on your meds."
"You aren't my dad. You can't tell me what to do, I'm fucking 19," I snapped.
Chuck inhaled deeply, pursing his lips. "I am your guardian, and I strongly suggest you go back on your medication."
"You know what? Fuck you," I yelled. "Stop the car."
Chuck did as I said, and I quickly exited.
"I don't need this." With that, I slammed the door and walked in the opposite direction of Chuck's car.
I didn't know where I was going, I just wanted to get away. Away from Chuck, away from everything.
I walked to the city, roaming the tightly packed streets on my own. Seeing all the chaos made me feel better about my own life. It made me feel at home, like I belonged somewhere.
I took out a joint and lit it, puffing the smoke into the already polluted air.
A pang of guilt shot through me as I looked at the homeless people on the sides of the roads. I reached around in my pocket until I found the bag of unrolled weed that I kept in there. I took it out and walked over to the woman and her child, handing it to them.
"Here. You need this more than I do. You could sell it, or smoke it, whichever you think would do you better."
The woman smiled at me, and so did the child. It was like this was the only good thing that ever happened to them. Now that I think about it, I probably was.
That's when it hit me.
What if being good wasn't so bad after all?
No, no. That's not possible. Being nice only means you get hurt. If you befriend people, they'll only hurt you in the end. That's life, or how I've experienced it, at least.
I walked around town until it hurt to move, when I finally decided to make my way home.
It was dark and almost midnight, so I had to sneak inside my window. I walked over to my bedside, only to find two pills and a note placed neatly on the table. This infuriated me, but I read the note reguardless.
Luci,
I know you are upset with me. But please, take your medicine. Set a good example for your siblings. Do something good in your life. And if not for them, be the fabulous narcissist you are and do it for yourself.
-Chuck
And so, I took them.
I don't know why, or what compelled me to, but I did.
And I felt okay for the first time in a while.
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how are you guys liking the new updates?? i like updating this story now, same with my destiel fic breakaway :))
