can I just die

The pain

Her canvas is her wrist.
Her razor is her paint brush.
Every time she cuts she screams and breaks down in pain.
Crying even harder now because her memories and pain come back to her.

She remembers the day,the week,the month,the year , and her life.
All the pain comes out with each slash she does.
Letting the blood grow on her skin and drip to the floor.
Soon she falls asleep from all the crying and wakes up but wishing she hadn't. She took pills till she blacked out.
The next day she woke up but did not want to she wanted her life to be over.

So that day she continued with her day hoping to forget about those memories the pain the hurt the everything. She always comes home and cuts some more.

Always wishing the pain would go away but it never did. Then one day she could not take the pain she ran away hoping she could start over. She only took a few thing some clothing some money and food that could last a day. She was 15 the day this happened she got a job but before she left she wrote a note and left it in her room because she thought they should at least know why.

She soon began the new chapter in her life hoping it would get better it never did she still continued to slash her wrist she began to think she was fat so she starved her self then finally got to the size she wanted. She did not eat much food she had a snack here and there but that was it. So when her life was finally put together she was happy for once. Her and some of her friends would go out have a good time and and come back home.

She would come home and get changed then just look at her arm to see the damage she has done. She did this almost every night whether it was after a night out with her friends or just at home sitting on her bed. This would not make her happy because it would make her think about the past. She started to cry asking her self why she cut her self to forget about her pain the way she did. Why did I cut myself instead of on other way? So she felt as if people would be disappointed in her that is why she never wore short sleeved shirts

She finally reached the age where she could drink but there is a twist. She used it to get drunk and forget. She got back into old habits she started to cut her self take pills. Her job was still going for her I don't know why tho. It got so bad where she began to lose good people that were in her life. This made her very depressed and sad she began to feel as if her life was falling apart again. Every time she cut her self it got deeper and deeper it got so bad she had to go get stitches. That's when her parents finally found out. They became very mad but had to put all that behind them. They just had to be there for her because they new being mad would not help anything. A couple weeks past she came home and her parents stayed with her to make sure she was safe. Then they left because they thought she was fine the truth is she wasn't. When they left she found a blade and began to cut again but what she did not do is cut on her wrist she cut on her legs.  She cried every night hoping one day she will be happy but she never was. Insane that's what she was she burned her self. Pain is what solved her problems. Music helped her with her problems she turned it all the way up to take her problems away. HELP she cried out music brings back many bad memories for her. What do I do she asked her self but she didn't know. As she wiped the tears way she laid in her bed hoping she would fall asleep soon to wake up the next day hoping she could feel better she never did. Every day she cried out for help with a little whisper no one ever heard. One day I will be happy she told her self but even she didn't believe that many people told her hope could help her that's what kept her going. Yet every day she felt useless and horrible. She always had this feeling in her she did not like it made her feel horrible one day I will be better she said every other day.

A/n first book I'm writing I don't know when I will post the next chapter I write stuff that is depressing so pls come thru with no hate thank you