stuck in the middle

prologue

It’s worse when people try to understand than when they stay out of it. I’d much rather be left alone to cry than to hear someone say “Don’t worry about it.”

I hated that saying.

I could worry about it if I wanted to. I didn’t know why anyone said it. Five stupid words with one stupid apostrophe couldn’t change the way someone thought. It couldn’t change the fact that I did worry about it. In fact, since I was considered a rebel, I would worry about it anyways.

At least, that’s what I said. On the inside, I knew that I couldn’t even control it. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t one day wake up and say, “Hey, I’m going to ruin my life by worrying about every single thing.” It didn’t work that way. I guess someone just decided that for me.

“Laramie Jefferson! Get out of bed right now!” snapped the Growler. Well, that wasn’t really her name; it was Gertrude, but she growled at me so much that I might as well call her that.

“Yes, Auntie,” I muttered, undoing my long, dirty-blonde braid and gently combing the waves to make them shine. I added a touch of eyeshadow and winged eyeliner as an addition to my black-and-gray-polka-dotted shirt and high-waisted black skirt. I strolled out of my room and down to the dining room, where Growler served me a plate of pancakes. “Thank you, Auntie.”

“Where did those manners come from?” she mocked, sounding not at all sarcastic and humorous. I wanted to slap her in the face, but instead focused on spreading syrup on my pancakes, covering them with the thick and sugary liquid. “Eat! Felicia and Maggie will be up soon, and…” I tuned her out. Maggie, my younger sister, and Felicia, my cousin, were all the Growler ever talked about. Felicia this, Maggie that.

Not that I was upset. I had plenty of attention from the Growler. It just wasn’t as nice of attention as I would like. But in our family, any attention was bad attention, usually.

Why couldn’t I have just lived with my uncle? He was much better than the Growler, and never snapped at us for being polite or doing what we were asked to. I would have had my little sister stay with my aunt, since the Growler loved her and she loved the Growler.

All of this was okay as long as I had Matthias.

Matthias was the one I had long-idolized. I had watch all his videos, memorized all sorts of facts about him, and constantly obsessed over him. Every day I wished, hoped, and dreamed that I could meet him. The next day was my birthday, and I planned to ask for Matthias merch. Mostly I wanted a ticket to VidCon, but only Felicia or Maggie would get something like that.

My phone buzzed with a text from my best friend Audrey. Congrats! Just got u tickets 4 vidcon. Matt will be there. Love u.

My heart caught in my throat as I read the text. Audrey had gotten me tickets to go to VidCon. Audrey had gotten me tickets to meet Matthias.

“AAAAAAAAAAH! OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!” I screamed as I jumped from the table. The Growler looked at me, confused, but also slightly amused. “A-Audrey got me tickets to VidCon!”

“Well. That was nice of her to get you tickets to your video convention,” she said, obviously not understanding why it was so important.

“Grow- I mean, Auntie,” I said, blushing at my mistake, “this means I get to meet Matthias!” She nodded and returned to cooking, although I was already internally screaming.

Audrey. This is THE BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT I’VE EVER GOTTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much. A few measly words in a text couldn’t capture how excited I was that soon, I would meet Matthias. I got on Twitter instantly.

@Matthiasiam going to vidcon ONLY to meet you. SO EXCITED! This is gonna be the best birthday ever!!

I set my phone down and devoured the pancakes. I was ready to go to school and thank Audrey a million times for making my life a gazillion times better. I would actually get to meet Matthias!

My phone buzzed. I figured it was a “You’re welcome” text from Audrey, but instead it was a response from Matthias.

@adrianastwin can’t wait to meet ya :D

So little could make my day so much better.

A/N hope you're enjoying it so far :D just bored rn