Poison.

Chapter 7.

When we reached the pond I was gasping for air. I may have been as skinny as a rail but I sure was out of shape. I practically fell to the ground & rolled over onto my back, sweating like a pig. God I hated sweating. I rolled into the pond to wash off dirt & sweat, and crawled back onto the grass.

"So what was it you were planning on telling me?" Corra talked fast, as if every word she said had to be heard & taken into account right then & there, she always spoke that way, but I didn't mind a bit. I thought it was cute. "Right.." I paused, rubbing my head a bit where it had hit the ground when I fell. "About this place. About why I'm here & you're here & why Yoka can talk. I'll start from the beginning, how I got here, and what's happened between then & now." She didn't respond, but she looked at me, full of hope, so I talked.

"One day I woke up in the morning & no one in my house was awake. When I left out the door, a fire was coming from a few streets down. Before I knew it, every house in the neighbourhood was burned to the ground." I started. I proceeded to tell the rest of the story to her. When I was finished she was so in awe & I could tell she had a shit ton of questions, but she could ask those later. "I'm headed to bed." I yawned, and curled up in the tree. I knew there was that new tree house, but I couldn't even think about moving. I couldn't even think about sleep, I was so sleepy. So I slept.

I dreamt that night. It was the first time I had memory of dreaming since I was living in the real world. I dreamt of the shadows, of course. "Focus on the location.." I muttered. But it was so hard. The shadows & their dances distracted me so much, and I couldnt tell where I was. "Location.." I repeated. Suddenly, it hit me. I was at the bottom of the lake. I woke up right as I realised where I was. It was still pitch black outside, so I got up & Slowly made my way to the edge of the pond & sat down criss-cross-applesauce.

The lake glimmered under the moonlight, and I could almost feel my eyes reflecting it, too. I thought that night. I thought a lot. Who was I kidding? I couldn't be a God, I wasn't even good enough to be the Devil. My thoughts of self destruction were returning & I reached into my pocket & pulled exactly what I wanted out of it. The inkwell. "How did this get in there..?" I whispered to myself. It was no matter. All I had to do was drink it & all of my troubles would be gone. It was such a simple task yet I couldn't seem to carry it out. I had two people who were depending on me sleeping not even 30 feet away. I placed the inkwell back into my pocket, never seizing to remember that it's there.

I rolled over on my back & gazed at the stars through the opening in the trees. They seemed so perfectly spaced out, it was like a painting in an art gallery. I'd always wished I could paint, but I wasn't much of a visual artist. That carving on the tree was the best I'd ever done. I reached into my jacket pocket & pulled out the paper & pencil. I placed my hand behind the paper as a surface to write on.

"#4. It's not qualitative or quantitative, it's simply the thought."

This statement meant a lot to me. It's not about how good something is, or how many of something there is, it's the thought put into it. I was a firm believer that this statement should be applied to just about everything, so I wrote it down on the paper & kept it close at heart.

Before I knew it, the sun came up, and my companions got up. "How long've you been up?" Yoka slurred. "Dunno. 4, 5 hours?" I had no clue. "Well you need to get your sleeping on schedule." Corra smiled at me. She had the single most perfect smile I had ever seen, I couldn't help but to smile back. "So, I've been thinking," I turned towards them. "It's time to actually start doing. This whole time we've been trapped here we've just been fighting to survive. It's time to get on board with what they want us to do. You know?" Yoka trotted around me before responding. "Well, yeah. We know what we're here for, but how exactly are we supposed to build a new, better world?" "What are civilisations based off of?"Corra butted in. "Dunno," I replied, "Laws? Currency? Personal relationships? Religion?" "Then let's make some!" Yoka seemed excited. "But, wait. If, like Corra said, the old towns & cities still exist, what's the point of us making a new one? Shouldn't we be more focused on getting back to the old one?" I questioned. "Let's build a fire. Then we'll figure that out." Corra said.

A few hours later we had a nice fire going, standing tall, with some food cooking over it. "I can't do this." I blurted out amongst the silence. Corra & Yoka looked puzzled. "I can't be a God, I can't be a Devil, and I can't be relied on for other people's lives. I can't even keep my own in tact." "I thought you'd found yourself.." Corra mumbled. "Well I guess I was wrong." I fired back. She looked disappointed & I assumed she had nothing to say, she just looked down at her food & ate. Yoka stared at me as if I killed a man. I widened my eyes & gestured violently towards him & he turned away. I was a monster. But that wasn't anything new.

I didn't want to be so awful, but it was the energy pumping through my blood that drove me to start fires & destroy myself & everyone & everything around me. It was a force pushing & pulling me in every which direction & I couldn't even decide where I wanted to go or who I wanted to be before I was already headed somewhere. I needed people to stop me in my tracks, tell me to think for myself, and not allow my body to go places before I could. But it was unfortunate, I feared I wasn't worth anyone's time, which reigned to be more & more true as the days went on. I was worthless, I felt it & saw it in my reflections in the water. I was utterly disgusted & disappointed in my own existence. But I kinda liked it. Maybe that was what drove me to make it even more extreme than before.

Either way, I found myself constantly falling in love with the hatred.