"6:02AM" read the alarm not hesitating to loudly interrupt my much needed sleep with its irritating brinnnnnnnnnnnn. I grimaced at the sound as I stretched out my limbs rearwards. After lying lazily in bed with my arms and legs spread apart for about 20 painfully short minutes, I managed to get up.
Beats me how the times I want the clock slow like way way slow, like slower than a turtle kinda slow it's fast and when I need fast its slow. I can't be the only one that has ever had that thought. Then again my thoughts are polar opposites to that of someone my age anyways so eh.
Remembering I have Mr Bullet, the shortest and meanest teacher of all time irritating teacher, my legs seemed to suddenly awaken racing towards the shower into the tub letting the lukewarm water run my skin, washing away the remainder of my sleep.
Ten minutes later, I was out of the bathroom with a fluffy cream coloured towel wrapped securely over my naked chest.
Beginning my after-shower-routine, I closed shut my eyes and took exactly two steps forward, three seconds pause before each sure that I was in front of my worst nightmare or rather morningmare- The mirror. I stood in front of it for 15 minutes -- 15 excruciating minutes.
It's like when you accidentally pick out your worst candy from a box of random candies. The moment it hits your taste buds, your senses become alert and your face scrunch up in pure and utter distaste.
That reaction?
Yeah that's my demeanor, just worse.
Raising my right hand, the figure does same. I frown at that, it mimicks me.
Sizing up my pitiful physique, I sighed vehemently. I realized probably my life's worth and savings have gone to fixing this carricature I'm ashamed to call my body. I look like an abandoned painting, a forgotten project waiting for its writer to finish it up and hand over for grading.
I was always being teased, one of the fatties that curl up in a fetal position when confronted.
Confronted not beaten
"How does she live with herself?"
"I don't care!" A sob escaped my lips
"Die!" "Offence intended"
"I don't c-care!"
"Thunder thighs"
I-I d-don't c-c-care!" I repeatedly confessed to myself, a small tear fell from my eyes and I reached up wiping it almost immediately.
"There's nothing wrong with me!" I exclaimed choking on my spit.
It was an avalanche of frustration, tiredness, shame, rejection...
Fear
Fear of going out and being laughed at, fear of being happy only for it to end up being a fragment of my imagination - a wish, a desire, a thought- a mirage.
Fear
"I love m-" I broke down not being able to complete my positive confession. But they weren't really positive since I didn't believe they were anyway right?
You see, this is my fear. Admitting my insecurities to myself and accepting the as part of me. With me, there is nothing to believe. I know what I am and I am willing to do anything to redefine myself out of this body even of society is the dictator of my actions.
The beginning of my relentless pursuit for thinness.
♤♤♤♤♤♤
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Quick Sand
Teen Fiction"I don't care!" I said, a sob escaping my lips "I-I don't c-c-care!" "There's not-t-thing wrong w-with m-m-me!!!" I repeated, vehemently stuttering as my sobs increased with every word uttered. A lump began forming in my throat standing as my sob b...
