Losing Summer {Phan Short Story}

Winter

I was like winter, and he was summer. But I always preferred the cold.

When he came into my life, I finally felt complete. We balanced eachother out, like yin and yang. But we had our similarities, and we loved eachother.

I was in love with Phil Lester. But he was dating a girl. She wanted to be left out of his YouTube life to avoid hate and she wanted him away from me. I hated her but he was so in love I couldn't hurt him.

He taught me how to make YouTube videos. He taught me how to smile. Be happy. I wonder what I brought to his life. I felt like nothing compared to that other bitch. Whenever she was around I'd hide in my room like an angsty teen who's dad was dating a whore. That's how it felt. That's how she wanted me to feel.

I was angry at Phil. Anger. The darkness of that feeling lie within me and had lied there for so long. Since he started seeing her. It didn't help she obviously hated me and he refused to notice. Part of me envied his child-like naivety.

It was winter now. The end of winter, spring was soon to be upon London. He and his girlfriend will have been dating for one year in April.

I knew no matter what he and his girlfriend had, Phil and I would always have our spot. A wonderful place in a park on the outskirts of London. Phil would randomly take me there and I was always happy to oblige and go with him. We'd spend the day in that spot. Our spot. A beautiful spot near a small creek with a tiny wooden bridge over it. It was beautiful during summer. Bright green leaves on gigantic brown trees in spring and summer (and the beginning of autumn), yet later become covered in a thin sheet of snow surrounded by barren and hibernating trees with a small frozen stream running through everything. But no matter the season, it's beauty was minuscule compared to Phil.

Phil's mother passed. I was there for him. I helped him get back on his feet, keep making videos. I made him feel better. But I guess she made him feel better than I ever could by the sounds that would fill our silent flat at night. That was okay. I forgave him because he didn't need me mad at him.

It happened every night. So I began leaving at night. I'd make eye contact with her on my way out, we both knew what she was about to do to my best friend.

He never apologized for it. I never asked. I became depressed, but she made him happier than ever. That was good, I'm glad he's happy.

I thought about ending it in February. He had her over for Christmas. He promised he wouldn't do that. I didn't ask for an apology nor did I receive one. He took her to a party on New year's. He forgot to pick me up. I lied and said I got a ride. He left me on Valentine's day which hurt most because I knew what they had was what I craved. What I needed.

I hanged myself. He didn't need me anymore but I still needed him.

I woke up in his bed, but Phil wasn't there. I couldn't tell if I was alive or dead.

"Dan!" He sobbed as he ran over to me from the doorway and hugged me.

"Am I dead." I asked. It didn't sound like a question and I wasn't sure I wanted it to be.

"No, you're alive. I kept you alive. I always want you alive." He said. I hugged him back and sniffed. This was the first time we've hugged in so long. I missed him.

"Why did you leave me?"

"I'm so sorry."

"I don't want you to apologize."

"What you want isn't always what you need."

This time, I let myself sob into his shoulder.

"Asshole," I cried. He chuckled.

"I'm so sorry."

"You left me for her."

"I know."

"You broke all of your promises."

"I did."

"Did you show her our spot?"

"Never."

I smiled. "Good." I whispered.

And then winter fell into a hibernation of it's own, to be seen by none until the end of all other seasons.

I FUCKING LOVE THIS SO MUCH I CAN ONLY WRITE THIS WELL IN SHORT STORIES AHHHHH