Doctors appointment

I wake up to the sound of the beeping alarm clock like every other day but today was special  ,I scheduled an appointment with dr George the local therapeutic doctor in atlas.i walk over to the other end of my light grey bedroom over to the bathroom and I ran a hot shower,while i get undressed for the shower I notice myself in the mirror,an middle average heighten girl with brown hair cascading over her shoulder with scars all over her body,that girl was me and I hated it. "society has a grip on me and is not letting go"I say to myself between small laughs taking in every inch of my body.i step into the hot shower and instantly feel the warmth hit my back ,I started to think about the results I will get from the therapist as I wash my body with the soup,will I like the news I will hear or will it be what I wasn't expecting.before I could think about what I was doing a bright crimson river started streaming down my wrist and in the other hand holding a bloody razor,I try to stop the bleeding from stream down my arm By pulling up my little black hair up my arm to stop the blood flow and for the blood on the wound to dry up.i finish washing my body and my face while checking the wound every once and awhile to check if had dried,once it did I put in under the hot running water followed but a sharp pain shoot up my arm causing me to quickly removed it from the water and pat it dry with the navy blue towels hanging next to the shower.I hop out of the shower and walk into my room leaving a water trial behind me on my dark wooden floor.it was Saturday the 7th of June the day I found out what's wrong with me,ever since I could remember I always never felt true happiness I never knew what was wrong with me, now I am gonna find out what the fuck is wrong with my brain.
I pat myself dry with one of the towels and I walk over to my dark wooden set of draws with the towel griped tightly around me,I find a pair of black jeans with a grey long sleeve to hide the fresh wound on my wrist,I was a cold rainy day so no one would suspect anything,I decide to wear a maroon scary to got with the cold look.I leave the safety of my room and walk down to the kitchen to find my brother talking to my mum
"Morning Amber sweetie "says my mum taking a sip of her coffee "morning " I say with a small stretch and a yawn "hey amber can u be the grea.."I stop him there" no I'm not taking u to the movies with your mates ok"I snap back " how did u know that I was gonna say that ?"says Cole with a sort of hurt expression on his face "one,u never give me complements and when u do u want Somthing .two,you've have been trying to get me to take u all week mum too" I said to him while crossing my arms over my chest " she's got a point maybe next time"says my mum from the corner of the kitchen " ok if u need me I'll be in my room bye"he says while putting his bowl in the sink and walking up the stairs " so what's your plan for the day" says my mum heading me a bowl of cereal " I'm gonna go shopping for some bras I need some "I say as I start eating the bowl of cereal "I remember when I was ur age I did even have boobs"she says while pointing to my boobs "MUM!"I say with a groan "it's true"she says try to make thing better. About 5 minutes when passed before i start to hear faint foot steps soldiering down the stairs into the kitchen "morning girls "said dad with his deep voice I start walking over to him and kissing his cheek "morning dad" I say in a sweet tone "is there any left"he asked pointing to Mums cup of coffee " yeah sure here" she says as she pours the black coffee into a grey cup and handing it to him "thanks "he says while taking a sip "anyways I've gotta go bye guys "I say put my bowl in the sink and walking out of the kitchen "ok bye Amber "says my dad hugging me goodbye.i head upstairs to my room to grab my keys,phone and bag.i then Close the door to my room and walk back down the stairs .i open the door and the cold air hits my face like a bunch of needle but I man up a walk outside to my black v8.

I arrived at the therapist place at bit early so I when to a near by McDonald's and some food ,by the time I came back it was open and i walked inside " good morning is Mrs. George in his office yet ?"I asked the short blonde lady behind the bench " do u have and appointment" she asked while typing something into to computer " yeah under Amber,Amber thorns " I say to her as she types away at her computer "oh  What miss thorns he's down the hallway to the left"she says pointing down the hallway of the left of the building  " thanks" I say while walking down to his office,I stop once I reach a door label 'Dr George '.i gently knock on the door till was opened by a tall man with a unshaven beard and black wavy hair "ah miss thorns Nice to see you again come in" he says stepping out of the way so I could enter his office ,it had creamy coloured  walls and white coloured flooring,It had a white book case fill with what seemed to be folders,there was I light wooden desk in the middle of the small room with two white leather chair either side of it ." Please take a seat and let's take about your results shall we" he says pointing to one of the chairs.i sit in one of the chairs he gestured to  and he sat behind the desk and types something into the computer"ok I've got ur results here are u really to hear them??"he asked scanning off something and pulling it out if the scanner "yeah I'm r-ready"I say between shaking breathe, " ok
%30 depression  10%bipolar  20%anxiety 10%..." He then started talk about phobias of mind ,there were about 10 phobias I knew I had but he read out more "and that's it "he finished handing me the paper he was reading off " I want to thank u again doctor "I say rising from the chair" anytime Amber, anytime "he says holding open the door for me to exit .i leave with tears threatens to spill from my eyes ,I walk out to my car and break down inside of it ,I could do it anymore I've held on for too long and I wanted it all to be a dream and I wanted to wake up .i sped home as fast as I could ,once I got home dad and mum had left to grab lunch with Cole leaving me home alone ,now was the time.i ran up to my rooms bathroom,I grabbed the blade from inside a little sliver box on my shelf,I held it deep into my wrist,cutting though everything including the cut from the morning,once I was happy with it I did another,and another,until my vision started to blur.i looked down to what I had done,I was in a way happy,my life was over,I couldn't taking it anymore and now it's over.as the last of my vision blurred I heard footsteps running up the stairs into my room,before I could figure out who it was my vision when to black

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I woke up in a white hospital bed,I felt a sharp pain in my left arm,I look down and I saw a bloody drenched gaze covering six deep wounds on my wrist.i started to remember the event from what I think is yesterday , I found out what mental illnesses I had and I broke down,but why I knew I had them I just wanted them to be calcified,maybe because it for that moment became real all of it .before I knew it I was in tears again.hoping praying that it's all a dream but it wasn't and I have the paper to prove it . Soon later a lady what looked like she was in her mid 20 came in the room 'oh glad to see ur up miss thorns I don't think we've met hi I'm dr Davey nice to me u"she said extended her hand for me to shake ,I shore  her had with my good one and she pulled out a clean gaze and a watered down cloth "ok I'm here to change ur bandaging ok so hold still"she said removing the bloody gaze from my wrist ,after she wiped all the blood off my skin u could clearly see six deep wounds stitched up with blue wire " ok this might sting a bit "she said pouring a brown liquid onto her cloth and started dabbing it on my skin ,after she was done she wrapped it up and she left with nothing else to say ,a bit soon after that the same girl came in and said I could be released ,I tried to stand but I felt weak in my kneel the doctor said it was from the amount of blood loss,after a bit of trying to stand I walked down a bleached white hallway to what I think was the waiting room ,there stood my parents and Cole ready to Take me home.we got in the car and drove home not saying a word on the way ,my parents knew I did it but it made me a bit neglected cause the last time I was there they said nothing should they be censured and confused about going on instead of saying nothing.when we got home  I when strait up to my room and cleaned up the mess I left behind from all that happen .i then ran a shower ,washed myself and when strait to bed ,I didn't want to think about what happen.