A Dangerous Affair (Lesbian Story)

Father figure

Elizabeth
18 May 1994

This house is never empty on Sundays. My father does his damnedest to entertain every political playing and relevant person he could convince to join him and his opinionated daughter for dinner.

Sometimes he'll bring over women he's dating. Sometimes its the mayor and sometimes it would be the chief of police.

Today, to my genuine excitement, it's out going supreme court justice John Embers.

God knows what a supreme court justice is doing with a lowly states attorney such as my father but at 18 years old I know enough to guess that it was one of the networks that my father was building.

I've been well educated on networking to know a friend from a business associate. My father could do something for this man and in turn he'd do something for my father.

However for once I couldn't care what the underhanded motive of this dinner was. How many opportunities in a lifetime does one get to pick the brain of a supreme court judge.

And of course, as my father would put it: "knowing the right people in law can open up many doors for you Elizabeth".

So here I sit through another Sunday dinner discussing politics, gardening and technology.

Currently the conversation had turned to sexuality, particularly the appointment of Judge Elroy Robinson as Embers' replacement.
Elroy being a black, gay male.

"You know, I'm a man of traditions Paul. You know things like homosexuality and such I just don't want them in my sphere. I can't say I could rightfully advocate for someone like that. Do you know what I mean?"

I rein in my anger at the statement and look way down into my bowl of lime sorbet as if it held the answers to cure cancer.

My tongue is held with the knowledge that my father is trying to make a deal with this ignorant man and would need to play nice.

As hard as it is, my jaws clench in annoyance knowing full well that my dad will agree with him, regardless of my sexuality.

"No John, I don't know what you mean?"

The last words I expect to hear from my father echo amongst the cutlery.

"I mean, you know...we can't let our judiciary be tainted by something like that. Who's to say what kind of injustices could pass with someone like that holding a seat in power."

"Elizabeth?" My dad directs to me.

Of all the neglect that my father visited upon me, undermining my intelligence wasn't one of them.

He treated me like an adult - probably because it was the only way he could relate to me - but I appreciated him for it. However, it was a double sided coin because it also became the downfall of our relationship.

My father raised a quick, calculating independent thinker. I didn't need him to make decisions in my life and I took the responsibility for all consequences of my decision making.

It was a purposefully done training method on his part to prepare me to be confident in my choices and to command a room.

A valuable life skill yes, however maybe he implemented it to soon. After all I was only sixteen when he stopped being a parent.

So here we are, at dinner with a homophobic supreme court judge that wants to build some business relationship with my father and my father is asking me, his homosexual daughter, to comment on the ignorant comment of this seemingly important man.

Looks like its pick a box time.

"I'm sorry justice but your logic is flawed. From what I've heard Robinson is an excellent candidate regardless of who he chooses to sleep with. His sexual preferences have nothing to do with his impartiality." I decide to pick the diplomatic, non-personal-information-revealing answer.

"Do you see what I mean? Homosexuals will want to impose their place in society by making arguments like that. It's liberal upbringings like this Masey that have gotten Elroy this far in the first place. Makes you wish his parents hadn't raised such an immoral little fag."

The clang of my father's spoon is loud in the ensuing silence.

Justice Ember realises he's crossed a line; I'm dying of self-hatred on the inside and my father is visibly shaking from a barely concealed anger.

"I think, Justice Ember, that you need to respect my immoral daughter and apologise to her for your unwarranted ignorance. You are a small man Embers. With a small mind and in my opinion: the court will be a much better place with a FAG like Emery than a bigot like you at its helm." My father, bless his heart stands from his chair and motions for the justice to leave. "Now, if you would please."

For the first time in a while, I feel the safety net of having someone in my corner.

My father showed that no matter the circumstance he'd always have my back.

My seething rage is calmed by this new discovery about the dynamics of my father and I's relationship.

I'm in the kitchen loading the dish washer as he escorts the justice out.

The slam of the door interrupts my thinking.

"That man knows very well that you are a lesbian." My father storms into the kitchen in his mauve pullover.

The edges of his moustache are vibrating in fury. I'm beginning to doubt the goodwill of his defense. Is he angry at me?

"Elizabeth," he says coming towards me with a stern look in his charcoal orbs. "Look at me Elizabeth." He places his hand on my shoulder.

"Not only are you Mexican, a woman, you are also gay. Do you know what this means?
It means you will have a tougher life than others.

Your responsibility, if you want to make it with respect in this world, is to own your minority. You never, never let people undermine your identity, no matter what it is.

Does that mean people will hate you? Yes. Does it mean you'll work twice as hard for a fraction of recognition that others get? Yes. But do you know what it doesn't mean?

It does not mean you are lesser than. In everything you do, with everyone you meet, stand strong and proud in your self. Understood?"

"Yes sir."

"Do you understand me Elizabeth?" He stares into my eye and I understand the gravity of the lecture that I'd received.

With politics and power, if someone undermines your identity, you give them power over you.

"I understand dad."