I'm Fine

It all starts somewhere

My story begins when I was five years of age. My mum found me hiding my lunches under my bed. When she asked why I simply replied "I wasn't hungry, but I knew you would make me eat them." She was worried for a while but I stopped hiding my lunches under my bed and she stopped worrying. Although I stopped skipping lunches everyday it never really stopped. I still threw away my lunch but just not all of it. I ate no pudding and didn't eat unless I was forced to. I didn't really have a reason for doing what I did, except just not having a reason.

Seven years later I stare at my reflection, naked, hating what I see. I pull at the skin on my arms and legs, sucking in my stomach so my ribs become more visible and prod at my collarbones. Eventually I sigh and get dressed into my uniform and do one hundred sit ups. Standing up I checked my reflection to see my dull pale face stare back at me. I had long, curly, frizzy brown hair that reaches just past my boob and a side fringe that swept across my fore head, of course I straightened my hair as well and dull boring, shit coloured eyes. Attractive, I know. I desperately want to bleach my hair, but my mum won't let me until I'm sixteen, but until then I'm going to have to deal with boring, chocolate brown. Yay. I spray on some Marc Jacobs, that my mum got me for Christmas, to mask any odours after my work out. I then pop some gum into my mouth, grab my bag and plug in my headphones and begin my walk to school. When I arrive at the modern building I walk to the seats where my two best friends were sitting. Maxy and Zoe. Maxy looks up and when he spots me he grins, and stands up, pulling me into a big bear hug which Zoe joins in, in. I feel self conscious so I suck in my stomach and continue to hug them before hastily pushing them away. Maxy sits down opposite me and Zoe and we talk about the summer. Maxy (who's already blonde hair was even blonder and his skin even tanner than usual) had been to Florida and was in full speed talking about his holiday, his Ice blue eyes glistening with excitement.

"It was amazing! We stayed out all day on the rides and then stayed up late watching movies and stuff!"

"Sounds amazing," Zoe said, smiling at him

''Yeah,'' I agreed

''So what did you guys do? How did you cope with me gone?" He said, tilting his chin upwards and pretending to flick his hair

"We coped just fine," Zoe said, leaning across and whacking his hand "and I went to Inverness for a few nights, nothing exciting."

''What about you?'' Maxy asked

''Nothing much.'' I replied, casually ''Just went out on runs and tried to stay fit...nothing too exciting,''

''You're always exercising!'' Zoe stated ''Do you not get tired of it?"

''No, I enjoy exercising,'' I replied. This was sort of true. I loved sport and exercising but at the same time all I seemed to do was exercise so sometimes it was annoying, but I'd rather loose weight and exercise than stay fat and not. Zoe shook her head in disbelief. Zoe was more of an art sort of girl. She was amazing at drawing and singing, even if she wouldn't admit it. I on the other hand was team captain of the basket ball team and netball. Played tennis, rugby, football, and badminton and did athletics and weight training. Plus I went to the gym at least once a week. Then there's Maxy. He is the drama kid. He always gets one of the lead roles in the school shows and goes to audition after audition. You could tell from a very young age he was going to be amazing. They both were amazing and had talent, without having to even work for it. I was the odd one out of our group. Even out of our wider range of friends everyone had there quirks and amazing traits, and then I was just, sort of....there. Sure I had my sports, but no one in my group of friends was interested in something like that, especially at fourteen. Everyone had effortlessly perfect bodies and could eat and sit around as much as they wanted and still look perfect. I had to work hard for my body to get a body I was comfortable with, and even then I probably wouldn't look good in anything. Because that's who I was. A fat ass who was ugly, annoying and bitchy and had no talent.