Whatever Comes First

1.)

  My sissy, brother, and I have been staying at my aunt's house for months nows, because my mommy has been back and forth going to the hospital to see my daddy. I keep asking her what's wrong, but she just says that he has a cold. I told her how i thought a cold doesn't last this long, but she said it's a big cold, like the flu, and i know from watching TV that the flu is scary, so i hope my daddy is okay. I overthink alot, and while i was thinking, my mommy just came home. I was happy because i haven't seen my mommy in the longest time, i never get to see her anymore, but this time, she looked sad. 

  "Kids, mommy has something to tell you.." she said with tears in her eyes.

  Without thinking, or wondering why my mommy was sad, i leaned over to my brother saying, 

     "I wonder what toy mommy got us this time." Mommy would bring us home toys almost everyday to keep our mind off of daddy, but i'd rather have my daddy then a new toy. 

  "What is it mommy?" Sara, my oldest sister, asked. 

 "Sara, EJ, Bell, I don't know how to tell you this, but i have to. Daddy died earlier today.." and in that moment my mom bursted out crying, caressing Sara. 

 In that moment EJ turned to my aunt Kathy and started crying. 

   In that moment, i fell to my knees crying, with one of my aunts trying to pick me up, but i screamed telling them to leave me alone. 

  In that moment i realized i don't have my daddy to call me princess anymore. I don't have my daddy to walk me down the aisle one day, like he promised. I don't have my daddy to have a father daughter dance with, when, or if i get married. I don't have my daddy to dance with.

  But what about my sister? Same thing about her. My brother? He won't have his bud anymore. He won't get to go hunting one day with his dad, like all the other boys will get to do. My brother lost his bestfriend today. But so did I, and my sister, and my mom. 

   My mom. My mom doesn't have her prince anymore. What am i gonna do? I can't stand seeing her like this. 

  In this moment, right here, right now, i'm more vulnerable more than ever. After that moment of thinking, i felt two strong arms wrap around me, i turned around, no one was there.

---------------------------

 *10 years later*

  Later on in my lifetime, i found out that my dad died from cancer. I was only 6 a the time of his death, my brother 8, and my sister 9, so my mom didn't want to explain to either of us what cancer was, or how my dad got it. I'm 16 now, and I miss my dad more and more each day. They say it's suppose to get easier with time, but it really hasn't. 

   I've been looking for ways to try and fill up that void of losing my dad..i can't talk to Sara, or my mom because they both always judge, and it's too hard to talk to Ej about anything, because he's never serious. So, lately i've been talking to this guy i met in spanish class, his name's Mark. We've been texting since summer started, and that was 3 weeks ago. He makes me smile so much, and he makes me feel so good about myself. I really do like him, i really truly do. 

  We're starting to take things seriously, Mark and I. We really connect on a mutual feelings level, and also on a sexual level. I can't talk to my mom about it, because she doesn't believe in sex till marriage, i don't either, but it goes like this, if i want to do it..and i get caught in the moment, stuff happens. My friend Chynna invited me to her pool party today, and Mark is going, so i have to look my best.

  Jumping into the shower, i just imagine to wash all my worries away about Mark and I. By worries I mean my mom not liking him, my friends and family not liking him, and most of all, hoping and prayin there's no drama with his ex, Amelia. They both lost their virginity to eachother, and she feels like since they did, they're "connected" and meant to be together forever, when in reality, she's just crazy. She really is, and i've heard around that she hates me because Mark and I have been talking. Like i care, no i don't.