Fall

Chapter 2: Thoughts

"Cancer, cancer, cancer" I kept repeating the word until I couldn't even hear my own voice anymore. I looked up to my dad's worried face and all that was written was the confirmation I was looking for. Do I even want to believe it? I don't know, I don't even know how I feel right now; numb, surprised or scared?
"That's it?" I asked them, which earned me three sets of confused looking faces. "Okay then, I guess their wouldn't be a surgery today or is their?" I directed my question to doctor Hakim. "No I'm afraid there isn't any today" he replied gloomily.
"When can we leave daddy?"
"Not today I guess"
"when then?"
"You'll be transferred to another hospital and start treatment"
"When did you all decide that?" I questioned
"After receiving the results, it's the only option"
"Why wasn't I informed?" I asked suspiciously to doctor Hakim who has been with me for a while.
"We needed a second opinion" he answered guiltily.
"Good, great, you couldn't interpret a simple test result without a second opinion, what good doctors you are" I snapped sarcastically.
"No, on the treatment options" He answered calmly.
"Fariha, you're going to undergo this treatment and as soon as possible, it's the best for everybody" my dad instructed
"No, not everybody has cancer, lay down the options for me and I choose what's best for 'me'" gesticulating a quotation on the last word.
"Dr hakim's father is an oncologist and he has a clinic, you'll be transferred their for the treatment, they're already making the necessary arrangements"
I looked at doctor Hakim accusingly and he just shrugged, just shrugged.
"And you're?" I asked the other doctor.
"I'm here to reassess you before your transfer"
"That wouldn't be necessary" I replied before lying back down, signaling the end of the conversation. I heard the door closed after a few minutes notifying me they've left.
I turned to my right and found Dr Hakim still standing, watching me curiously.
"What are doing?" He asked
"Isn't it wrong for you to be here alone with me?" I questioned back
"I'm your doctor" he said matter of factly.
"Even though"
"Well, your dad is worried and he wants you to get better, try being in his shoes, use your knowledge"
"What if I don't want to?"
He said nothing to that.
"When can I eat?" My hunger has intensified over the last few minutes.
He narrowed his eyes at me in contempt.
"When you can think things through, goodbye" with that he stormed out.
What kind of a doctor was that, he doesn't even know me.
When one is left with nothing but there thoughts, they find themselves surfing through all kinds of waves, albeit with no surfboard.
Have nobody ever considered this, I mean they tell you to think with your mind but follow your heart. That's illogical in my opinion.
Where do I go from here?
If the earth were flat and I kept going then I'm bound to reach the boundary, but where does it take me? Up or down? I suck at navigation.
My tummy has started crying for help I can't provide, what hospital leave a patient without food, though I hate hospital food. "Come in" I breathed in hopes that whoever knocked heard me because I don't have the strength to talk any louder.
A nurse came in baring a tray, finally something to be happy seeing. She placed it down and handed me a letter before leaving.           
Forgive my forthrightness earlier, your father is worried about you, it's tougher on you, think about how he must be feeling now.
I blew hard, crumpled the paper and threw it in the wastebasket only to miss. I need to learn how to play basketball, maybe when I get back home or if they have a court here.
I launched on my food, a sandwich, yoghurt and apple, pretty descent meal for a picky patient that hates hospital food.
Half an hour later, my father, Dr. Hakim and an older doctor came in.
"I've eaten and waited patiently" I said with a smile, trying to neutralize the tension that built from our earlier conversation.
"How are you feeling?" Asked my dad
"Full and ready for what you all have to say, no objections"
"Good"
"But before you start, I was wondering if you have a basketball court here for patients?" I directed my question to Dr. Hakim.
"As you've been told, you'll be moved to another hospital that I don't think have one, why"
I smiled sheepishly before saying "I need to learn how to play one"
"I see, is that all you thought about?" he said inquisitively.
"No, I missed a shot and it got me wondering why I never considered learning how to play" I stated.
"You missed a shot?" He said looking perplexed.
I didn't answer, I just pointed to the crumpled paper lying on the floor.
"You missed a shot?" He repeated absentmindedly.
"Yeah, I did"
He shot up his eyebrow questionably to which I nodded in agreement before looking away.
"Okay" he breathed and strengthened himself.
"This is the oncologist that will see through your stay and we've discussed everything with him before coming here, your transfer has been processed and you'll be moved in an hour" he sounded like someone who's had to rehearse his speech. Looking at the older man, I realized why he sounded that way but said nothing.
"Salam Alaika" I greeted politely, something about his stern expression is intimidating.
"Salam" he answered authoritatively. I guess it comes with his kind of work.
"You'll be prepped for a hemicolectomy tomorrow, and then you'll start your chemo after recovering, I don't have to be detailed seeing as you're a doctor, so you already know what to expect" he talks so calm that one forgets why they had to see him.
"Okay, thank you" with that he left, beckoning his son to follow him.
My dad waited for the door to close before talking, "they're kind people"
"Yes they are"
"Your stay will be free"
"What do you mean?" This is overwhelming, I hope I heard wrong.
"Your stay is free, but we'll have to pay for the treatments" it looks hard on him having to say that.
"Are we a charity case now?"
"No, it was very expensive, Dr. Hakim suggested it and I accepted it, it's a good offer"
"Shouldn't that be 'unacceptable' seeing as we don't even know them" I accentuated the word.
"I know, believe me I do" He said regretfully.
"I also have to go back for a while after the surgery" he added.
"And leave me here alone?"
"They also need me back home, and I'm sure you'll be fine, I'll make sure you get better before I leave"
"I'm not getting better, I have cancer"
"No, you are, you'll get better, I'll keep praying to God" lulled my dad, I didn't even realize I was crying.
"Hush, it's okay" he said soothingly.
"I hope" I mumbled
"Sorry, I'll come back later" I heard Dr. Hakim say distantly.
Crying has a calming effect, it works like this lever that takes away the heavy burden weighing ones shoulders down. I cried myself to sleep, how I managed to sleep, I didn't know. I was thankful for the rest and having my dad around, it's not everyday one gets that.
"How are you feeling?" I look towards the voice to find Dr. Hakim peeking through the door.
"Relieved" I replied groggily.
"Good, may I?"
I sat right before calling him in.
"Your dad is very professional" I stated teasingly.
"Yes he is" he answered nodding his head in agreement.
"And I understand if he's not okay with all this because it's too much to ask for" I said looking down at my dried hands.
"He wasn't" he stated, I looked up to see him looking at my hands.
"Helping people is a good thing though and he taught me that well" he added
"Thank you"
"Well, let's get you out of here, I have someone waiting to see you at the hospital" he said walking out to call the nurse to take me.